[ON HOLD] Defensive 'Till The End (Harry Styles, One Direction Fan Fiction)

Chapter 4 - What The Hell Was That?

I sat on my bed listening to Anna Sun by Walk The Moon wavering if I should follow through with Harry's demand. The were many, many, many pros which mainly include his looks and the Harry I had for five minutes before my mom barged into my room. But then there are plenty of cons too, including his reputation I heard from Lucas that may not even be accurate. 

Finally, after the war with my thoughts, I decided to get dressed like Harry said. I sat up on my bed and took a quick glance over at the clock. I only had 10 minutes until Harry said he would be over! I sprinted off my bed and to my dark brown, chestnut dresser. Opened the top right drawer and rummaged through the plethora of unfolded clothing. I never had time to fold when I unpacked to I just threw everything where it fit. I'm OCD so it bothered me greatly but I couldnt find time to fold them and put them in the right drawers yet.

I grabbed my favourite bathing suit. It is a black and white polka dotted coloured bandeau twist top and  normal black and white polka dotted bikini bottoms. I ran to the my ensuite bathroom and took my cloths off slipping on my swimsuit. It fit perfectly. I looked in the built in full length mirror and frowned.

I never liked the way I looked. I thought of myself as fat and ugly. Especially with a huge scar running from the middle of my side to the middle of my thigh. Tears sting my eyes every time I see it but I push them back in my head, the bad memory with them. Maybe, just maybe one day I will be able to forget.

I then walked out to my dresser again and got a skirt to cover up the scar. It was the perfect length to hide it so I threw on my swimsuit cover and got tote bag with my favourite Ed Sheeran lyrics on it, "Be a true heart not a follower". I put in a few necessary things in it and sat down on my bed getting ready to put my music back on when the door opened. Harry walked into the door in a black pair of swim trunks and a plain black t-shirt. I just realized black looks really good on him. I scooted away when he basically sat on me.

"Where are you taking me?" I said in a monotone voice.

"A beach party" He said getting up and starting his way to the door. He stopped in the space between the hallway and my room, spinning around on his heels. "You coming?" He questioned raising an eyebrow.

"Is there......alcohol and....drugs there?" I whispered.I heard a deep chuckle and shifted my vision from the shaggy rug on my hardwood floor to Harry's. 

"It's a beach party with young adults. What do you expect? Now come on." My eyes widened and I shook my head scooting back on my bed. I do not like drugs or alcohol. The are from a bad past and I don't want to open any more old wounds. My scar does that enough. Plus they are just bad things anyway.

"I'm not going and you can't make me." I said pulling a pillow in my lap. I clenched it tightly hoping what was approaching would end before it starts. A panic attack. Anything from my past sends me into vicious panic attacks. I closed my eyes and took slow, deep breathes.

"Yes you are and I will mak--- Are you alright?" He asked caringly once he saw me slowly rocking back and forth to try and calm myself. He came over and sat next to me, placing a hand on my back.

"What's w--" "GET AWAY FROM ME!" I yelled jumping up off my bed and running into the bathroom, locking the door. Everything was too small I felt as if I was going to suffocate. My slow breaths have changed into deep ones as if i was gasping for air. Gosh, I hate panic attacks. I just hope this one ends quickly.

I heard a light but firm knock on the door. 

"Hey..um.....I guess you don't have to go anymore...." A voice said calmly. I heard it but never really comprehended what he was saying. The heart beat was in my ears now and the thumping was too loud to concentrate on anything else. "So I'll go by myself...after you come out."