Let It Consume You

Too Dark To See

Too Dark to See
Yet I Feel The Familiarity

Chapter 1
These poems were written about/or in, the darker moments.

________________________________________________________________________________

It's not hard to be gentle
You made a choice
A choice to skin me alive
It takes a lot more energy to hurt someone
You really went the extra mile
I wonder why?
Why you did it at all
Why you felt the need to.
I wonder how you fall asleep at night
Does the sound of my name
Fill you with shame
How often do you think about it?
Do you try and make excuses
Try to lie
Make me the villain
When I was only five.

________________________________________________________________________________

Time didn't stop while I was dying
The sole focus of many years was to try and stay alive
I didn't realize that time was going by while I was fighting for my life.
Now I'm here, suddenly older like I jumped time.
With responsibilities and a drivers' license.
I missed half of my life
Trying to get by.
The world was still spinning outside of the psych ward doors
My little cousins were growing
My parents were aging
My friends were moving on
I missed so much of my life
Because I wanted to die
I'm grateful that I'm alive
I just wish I would've lived

________________________________________________________________________________

The person who caused my attempts to end, my life has saved somebody else's

you threw me into the ocean, watched me fall victim to the current

stayed silent for years, while I was drowning.

Unable to keep my head above water, too young to know what it was too young to tell the lifeguard

so I tread water until I was tired and lifeless
skin and bones
until I was too far gone to get back to shore.

I used to hear people thank you

say that you saved their life and that without you they wouldn't be here

How can you save a life
But ruin a child's

Was it my innocence
Did it bother you

Taking mine will not get yours back

I got to land on my own I felt  the sand under my feet, the water in my lungs as I breathe

I felt the exhaustion taking over me

From a life spent trying to keep afloat

My body fell like quicksand

Heavy and uncontrollable

So when they asked who did this to me  to me

It took all of me

My whole body  trembled 
The weight of gravity pulling me down

But I lifted my small arm

And pointed at you

________________________________________________________________________________

Let me be
Let go of me
Time flies by
But your hands always stay
The prints you left
The things you said.

I feel so healed on the safe side of the street
But it gets so boring
I want to kiss my boyfriend
I want to take risks
And have fun.
I'm tired
Of looking both ways before crossing the street

I wanna run I wanna climb
I can't keep crawling
On my bruised knees

I can't keep hiding from my triggers
Like my survival is fragile