Regret, self sabotage,trust issues
Chapter 7
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When something's funny
I still look for you in every room
Just to see if you're laughing too
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Please come back
I know I told you to go
I know I do this
I know that I don't know why
I continue to leave
I'm sorry. I'm sorry
But your home
Your peace
Your everything
Please let me inside
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I thought I got lost in you
That I couldn't fully be me with you
it took your absence to see
That only with you I was truly me.
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How beautiful is it to have loved someone so much that the absence of the makes you feel hollow, isn't that kind of cool that the human race is capable of giving and receiving love in a way that's so life-altering that the absence of it hurts you
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It's like knowing you can never go home again
The safety the comfort all the things home should be all the things you were
It's terrifying knowing someone holds so much control over you that they can become home
But you did
And I'm here Homeless It's like a part of me is gone It's like you died and I'm grieving you
I'm banging on the door begging to be let in but I'm the one who walked out
The attachment that comes when someone becomes everything was too scary to lose
So I left
I left, and I can't go back
It's too late
The doors shut
So I'll stay outside and I'll cry
Cry like I do every morning
And all night
Knowing I'm waking up and going to bed
Homeless
A life I chose
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I think I might love wrong
I look into your blue eyes
And see a beautiful ocean
But one that could drown me
Swallow me whole
Love is scary
It can become so messy
And that terrifies me
I'm scared for you to become familiar
Because when I lose you
I lose apart of me
And I've already lost so much
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If love was enough
You would still be the one I trust
If love was enough
It would still be us
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If I was right to leave
Why are you still the one I need
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You weren't my first love
But you were the first love to make me believe that I was worth something
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there are some loves so strong so passionate the heartbreak would destroy every last piece of you, and there are some pain one must refuse to go through not by staying but by escaping, by preventing the everlasting hurt
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You were my everything
But it's time for me to be my own
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I love you believe me I do
When I'm with you it's like
You move clouds and I can see the sun
Yes I trust you
But I trusted them too
I loved them too
But that didn't stop them from
Robbing me
Robbing me of peace
Robbing me of joy
Robbing me of my innocence
I know you are nothing like my abuser
But I never thought my abuser would abuse me
But they did
And I'm here
In a body that still feels like evidence of a crime
The body you love is the body that reminds me
Of all people have done
Yes this feels like love but I still fear a waiting loaded gun that could go off at any moment any second
Cause what is love when
The people you thought would give it to you
Are the reason you can't accept it from your love
What is love when
You were supposed to get hugs
And high fives
But we're given wounds
Given
Traumas and abuse
A soul so unbelievably bruised
I'm trying to heal I promise this isn't a reflection on you
I love you
But I loved them too
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YOU ARE READING
Let It Consume You
PoetryGive yourself time to feel your emotions But don't let them control you Let it consume you But not forever. There are moments in life when you have to let yourself feel, the pain the trauma, the depression the anxiety. There are also moments you h...
