From one survivor to another, a selection of poems written to you.
Chapter 5
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It's going to hurt
I'm not going to lie to you
It's going to feel like your skin is being ripped off of your bones
And replaced with persons that you don't know
It's going to feel out of place
And so will you.
Somedays this will consume you
You're going to wonder how you can go on living after this happened to you
You will push people away
But wish they would stay
You'll need to be alone
But you'll feel so lonely
You're going to cry, sometimes you will cry so hard no tears come out
You'll try and scrape this everlasting film off your body
When someone is sexually assaulted you assume it only happens once
But you relive that shit
Every time you look in the mirror
Every time you get in a car
Every time you go to a party
Every time a shadow resembles them
Let me be clear we are reliving
Not remembering
We are reliving
Our brain is showing us every moment of what happened
Spare no detail
You can feel it in your body
You can feel it on your skin
You are watching yourself be victimized over and over again
But you can't stop it
You scream but no one will hear you
It's going to hurt
It might almost kill you
This is a long fight
But the most rewarding
To feel yourself healing
To find the power they stole from you
It feels like it's killing you
But trust me you will learn to live again
You will learn how to smile
How to hold your head up high
Allow yourself to be consumed by it
But not forever
Allow yourself to be consumed by it
But don't let it kill you
Let it in
Let it hurt
Let it out
Let it be
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Forgive yourself
Forgive the version of you who wasn't ready to fight, the version of you who sat in the depression and stewed in it
Forgive yourself for how you kept yourself alive, forgive yourself for doing nothing today except survive
Forgive yourself for the days you didn't leave your bed
Forgive yourself for how you protected your peace
Even if it meant to leave
Forgive yourself
For how you were as a youth
Forgive yourself for how you accepted abuse
Forgive yourself
For how you lived
When you didn't want to
All the things you left unfinished
All that you didn't do
Forgive yourself for not being perfect
While trying to heal your wounds
You didn't choose
To be taken by the wave
To be pulled under
They tell lifeguards when someone's drowning to knock them out otherwise they will panic and drown you, they aren't evil they don't want you to drown it's their brain trying to keep them alive
What I mean by that is
Forgive yourself
For trying to keep yourself alive
Even if the ways in which you did it hurt someone else
Forgive yourself
For needing too much help
Forgive yourself
For not reaching out at all
Forgive yourself for loving them
Forgive yourself for hating them
Forgive yourself for staying silent
There is no point putting yourself through hell
For how you lived while you were in one
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YOU ARE READING
Let It Consume You
PoetryGive yourself time to feel your emotions But don't let them control you Let it consume you But not forever. There are moments in life when you have to let yourself feel, the pain the trauma, the depression the anxiety. There are also moments you h...
