The Panacea Of Everything Is Love || Soukoku

9|| Whispers In The Darkness

Hello hello ^-^! 

Welcome to the new chapter ^-^! 

How are you all? 

I hope you all are doing good ^-^! 

There is no need for trigger warnings in this chapter, but Dazai is being Dazai, kind of I mean. 

Chapter song: Stand By You by Rachel Platten. You can listen if you want to ^-^! 

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"I'm going to die tonight." The brown haired whispered as he was hugging the ginger haired young man from behind. His words were could barely audible, even if they were too close to each other, but his lover heard him.

"You tell this every night." The ginger haired young man scoffed.

They were laying in the hospital bed, pressed tightly against each other, leaving no space for anything else, but they could care less. They didn't mind to be close to each other that much. They never did.

"I know..." The brown haired young man let out a sigh. "I just have a really bad feeling that it will happen tonight..."

"You can't know this for sure!" The shorter man shook his lover's arms off of him. "You can't know when you are going to die!" He snapped at his lover. For four years, it always had been like that. Dazai would say the same thing over and over every night in the exact same hour: 23.55 p.m. Whenever Chuuya argued with him, he would say that he had a feeling that it would come true that night. Chuuya would stop arguing. He would stay awake all night, cuddling with Dazai. He was scared that Dazai' s feelings would come true. Then sleeping was impossible for him after that... He was staying awake all night until he passed out because of exhaustion and he would wake up in panic every morning, not being able to relax the warmth of his lover's skin or feeling his breath against the back of his neck. He could only relax at that moment. Because he would be able to confirm that his lover was still alive and they still had time.

For four whole years... 1461 days... It may be not too long for some people, but for Chuuya... It was equal to the 40 years... He had a lot of burden in his shoulders and a lot of in his plate... So he eventually snapped.

"Do you know how much it hurts me when you talk like that?" He didn't intend to yell at Dazai. For four years since they met, he never did. "Do you even care about how I feel?" He stared into his lover's eyes. "Do you even think about how I'm scared to sleep because I can find you dead in the next morning?" He was really having a hard time to hold his tears back. "Do you even imagine how could I move on with my life without you in it?"

Dazai stayed quiet for a while. He looked away. "Maybe you would find someone else and fall in love with them..." He wasn't looking at Chuuya, because he had never think of that. He never thought, death would bother him somehow... After all it was the thing he had been asking for all his life, wasn't it? Then why was it bothering him now? Maybe Chuuya hold a mirror to the deepest thoughts and fears he had been hiding from everyone, even from himself...

Chuuya held Dazai's hand. "There are medications, therapy and even a surgery to treat it! You can defeat this!"

"You don't understand Chuuya." Dazai was furious now and he yanked his hand away from Chuuya's grip. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a hospital bed and you can never guarantee that you won't die during the surgery! I don't even mention the other risks I will have to take if it gets that worse to have that surgery!"

"You don't understand that how I am scared to lose you!" Chuuya hugged Dazai. "Don't die, Dazai... Don't die... I need you..." Chuuya pressed Dazai against his chest tighter. "Please Dazai..."