He Loves Me... She Loves Me Not

Chapter Thirty-two

As I stood there, watching the reunion between Scott and our son, I couldn't help but feel a pang of uncertainty in my heart. Though Scott hadn't changed at all in the way he cared for Luke. He was still the dedicated and loving father he had always been, available every night and day for his son.
 
But despite his unwavering commitment to Luke, I couldn't find it in my heart to reconcile my own conflicting emotions. It felt as though our feelings had yet to meet on common ground. Even as I watched the tender moment between the father and son, I couldn't shake the doubts and uncertainties that clouded my own internal struggles.
 
Scott noticed my presence but didn't say anything, gesturing for me to come closer. As I joined them, I felt a mix of emotions swirling within me. I wanted to believe that everything was fine and that love could conquer all. But deep down, I knew that there was a void in my heart, one that couldn't be filled with mere words and promises.
 
"Mama's here," Scott said, his voice filled with a hint of uncertainty. I could see the love and sincerity in his eyes, but I struggled to reciprocate those feelings. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate his love; it was more that I wasn't sure if I still loved him the way I once did.
 
Trying to take Luke from Scott's embrace, he was quite insistent on staying with him. I could see that Scott was quite exhausted, but Luke was so happy and filled with energy, as always eager to be with his father.
 
"I told you, he's so into me. Maybe you should be too," Scott teased with a playful grin.
 
"Scott, of course he knows you're his father. He's been missing you so much; that's probably why he doesn't want to leave your side," I explained, trying to reassure both Scott and myself.
 
"You don't want to come to Mama, huh? No?" Scott cooed to Luke, trying to coax him into my arms, but Luke just giggled and reached for his father again.
 
"Have you been waiting long? Have you eaten?" I asked, hoping to distract from the tension between us.
 
"I've been here for a while. Your parents already had dinner, but I wanted to wait for you so we could have dinner together like we used to," Scott said with a hopeful glint in his eyes, trying to maintain a sense of normalcy amidst the emotional turmoil.
 
As I looked at Scott, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief. It had been two months since we parted ways, and seeing him doing okay made me feel better. It was strange, really, how seeing him happy now was such a contrast to when we were together.
 
A little while longer, Luke finally fell asleep after tossing and turning restlessly in his father's presence. Scott carefully placed him in his crib, and soon enough, Luke was quietly asleep. I found myself impressed by Scott's ability as a parent, making our little boy drift off to sleep and tucking him into bed without any fuss.
 
After tucking Luke in, we made our way to the kitchen for a late dinner. The atmosphere was tense and awkward, and as we sat across from each other, neither of us was quite sure what to say.
 
"Good thing I caught up with you," Scott began, breaking the silence.
 
"Maybe you just missed Luke, so you didn't realize the time," I replied, my voice soft.
 
"Of course. It's been two months, almost three, right, Danni? Can't you really give me another chance?" Scott's eyes searched mine, pleading.
 
"There's nothing to give in to, Scott. It's not your fault," I said, trying to keep my tone steady.
 
"Then why are we even being away from each other? Don't you even love me anymore?" Scott's voice cracked, his frustration seeping through.
 
I exhaled deeply, feeling the gravity of his words sink in. "Scott, I can't quantify the depth of my love for you. But at times, I find myself questioning when I'll be so sure. I do love you, but I can't deny my doubts. I'm not fully present in my emotions right now, and I don't want to lead you on. I don’t want to let you down or become a weight on your shoulders. I don't want you to believe that I'm deceiving you again."
 
"Does this mean it's over between us? Are we done for good, and you don't want me anymore?"
 
It was a painful moment when I let go of Scott once more. Despite the anguish, I knew he would be alright without me by his side, and I trusted that he wouldn't abandon Luke just because I was uncertain about our future together.
 
After that night, I made the challenging decision to finally sell my California home, submit my resignation to my boss, and not let Scott know about all I had already planned.
 
We went to stay with my family in New York for the time being, just because I missed the feeling where Luke and I were surrounded by the laughter of children and the comforting presence of my family. I felt a sense of peace and belonging that I hadn't experienced in a long time with them. The familiar warmth of home enveloped me, and for a moment, I allowed myself to let go of the weight that had been pressing on my shoulders.