Broken Trust

not you too

i think the hardest part of loosing someone, isn't having to say goodbye, but rather learning to live without them, something i can't do, i'm always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that's left inside my heart since she left. having to say goodbye to her was the hardest goodbye..i never got to say.

sometimes in life there are losses. losses that can never really be replaced. losing her has been the hardest thing i've ever had to live with, including tom, i wasn't ready to say goodbye. i wasn't ready to let her leave. i would give anything for just one more day, just one more second. but i've learnt to trust in unconditional love, because the one thing about death is that the love never dies, some bonds cannot be broken. even though she's not physically here, her heart is, or so i'd like to believe. someday we will meet again, and well no longer be separated by time or space, but until that day, i will find comfort in knowing she's still with me, her heart tucked into mine. some hearts just belong together, and nothing will ever change that. i loved her then, i love her now, always did, always will. forever in my heart, forever in my mind, i will carry her.

even if i know she's with me, i can't live a life without her by my side. come back, even as a shadow...even as a dream. i swallow a pill.

i took a deep breath as i walked into my bathroom, shutting the door and locking it behind me, i filled the bathtub up, water on the cooler side, i turned the tap off and got in, clothed.

so many constant thought in my mind, constantly hurting me, repeating the words he told me. "kill her killer" i whispered to myself, hearing toms words in my heart. i lifted the blade to my wrist, pressing deeply as i felt the warm blood trickle down my arm, a strong tingle sensation spread throughout my body, numbing me. i sunk my body into the water as my arm raised above it, falling over the edge of the bathtub, it was so quiet, the faint sound of blood dripping on the floor consumed me, i was relaxed, calm.

and then it happened, that moment, my breath started to slow, and every time i took a breath, i'd breathe out all the oxygen i have, and everything stoped. my heart, my lungs, and finally...my brain. and everything i felt, and wished, and wanted to forget, it all just sunk..and i felt safe, in my own head. alone, but not for long, the moment my eyes shut and everything goes black, is the moment i open my eyes, and everything comes back. i will be with her forever. i closed my eyes, and i felt a wave of euphoria wash over me. this is it.

i opened my eyes, disappointed to see my self, still in this fucking bathroom, it wasn't over, this isn't it. i heard a thud, one after another, it was faint, but it was there, my hearing slowly started tuning in as i started to hear tom on the other side of the door, repeating the same few words, 'open the fucking door amelie' over and over. with one last push the door swung open, tom stood still in the doorway, his eyes widened at the sight of me. he quickly rushed over to me and grabbed my arm, holding the open wound on my arm together, he squeezed my wrist, sending a shooting pain through me, i squeezed my eyes shut at the sudden pain, yet not able to make any noise. my ears began to ring as i felt toms hands on me, and his deep german accent slowly faded from my head, his voice tuned out, barley meeting a mumble.

***TOM'S POV***

"what have you done" i yelled, my body filled with panic. i can not lose her too.

"i just can't do it, it's too much, i don't know how to deal with it, she was my best friend tom" she sobbed as her blood dripped all over me.

i quickly grabbed her from the water and pulled her out the bathtub, lying her on the floor as i try and hold her arm together, it was a big mess, blood everywhere. i ripped a chunk off of my t-shirt at an attempt to keep her arm in place, i wrapped my torn shirt around her arm, making sure it was tight enough to stop the bleeding, or at least slow it. i picked her up and rushed down the stairs with her in my arms, she wasn't fully unconscious but i could tell she didn't know what was going on, i rushed outside to my car, placing her in the front seat and buckling her in, i ran around the car and hopped in the drivers seat, starting the car and speeding off. i looked over at her, making sure she was still conscious, her eyes were slightly parted, enough to know she was awake, she looked deeply into my eyes, tears formed as she opened her mouth to say something.

"please save me from myself" she mumbled as tears starting pouring.

her eyes slowly shut as her head fell to the side, fuck fuck fuck. i drove as fast as i could to the hospital, i didn't care to park, i got out the car and ran to the passenger side, unbuckling her and lifting her as i ran into the hospital, shouting for help. fortunately a doctor came right up to us, taking her out of my arms and running down the hall to a random room, i was forced to sit within my thoughts as they worked on her, i sat in the hallway while 1001 thoughts went through my head. i sighed as i thought of the one thing that always calms me down, in a moment like this, all i need is bill. i got up from my seat and made my way to his room, the bright lights messed with my head, making me feel kind of sick, and the strong smell of cleaning supplies burned my nose. i finally arrived at bills room, letting a breath out id been holding for a while as i pushed the door open. i walked into his room to see him up and awake, he was lively, like he's never been shot, i mean, it has been three days, but so much for quick recovery. i walked towards bill and without a word or a warning i pulled him into a hug, wrapping my arms tightly around him. a few moments later i let out a sigh and bill pulled away.

"what happened?" he questioned.

"amelie...she uh" i stuttered as i tried to find the right words.

"she what tom?" bills look turned serious, almost worried.

"she tried to kill self" i managed to say before my eyes started to water and i quicky turned away from bill, my back faced him as i continued. "emma, she's uh...dead" i cleared my face, wiping any almost tears that were in my eyes.

i spun around to bill, his mouth almost meeting the ground, "oh my god" bill whispered as his hand met his face. "she's alive tho, right?!" bill asked.

"i'm waiting for news, but i think so" i replied.