Spotlight

27

"Two dns, one dnf, a podium, win and finish outside the points. Not the start of the season anyone would want. I can imagine it has been quite the embarrassment for you, so what are we to expect from you this weekend?"

I glared at the journalist. He was a short porky man with a striped button up that was to tight for him to be able to button the last button. His hairline was receding and his forehead glazed with a thin layer of sweat. He looked and carried himself as if he was someone I should know the name of, I didn't.

I frowned at the audacity of the question, just having time to open my my mouth to snap something rude in response when I spotted Vanessa.

Standing in the back, behind the cameras, she was once again vividly gesturing towards me. Only this time it looked concerningly much like she was threatening to cut my head off, she looked serious enough to where I closed my mouth again, pausing to think for a second, and then pointed to my throat before making a sleeping gesture.

Lando, sitting next to me, snorted at the encounter between me and Ness. Quickly catching up and taking it upon himself to translate. "She is on vocal rest"

"But she has been answering questions for the entirety of this conference?" The journalist asked with a frown. Ha suck it.

"Well these things can come up suddenly, or maybe she just remembered it now" I nodded along with a serious face.

The press conference had been boring as hell. The reporters had been digging for the latest scoop on who was in conversation with which team and who was being left on the outskirts of contract negotiations. Since I was signed for next year as well, and had been abundantly clear that any questions about weather I would be demoted to Alpha Tauri or not would be met with absolute silence, the journalists had settled for making jabs at me. Trying to desperately pry a reaction they could make headlines from.

I didn't bother hide my yawn as I looked the journalist whom had asked the dumb ass question straight in the eye. Bitch.

The conference drawled on and I mostly stayed engrossed in my own thoughts. That is until mister Norris delivered a sharp elbow to my left upper ribs to alert me of an incoming question.

"I think what a lot of us seem to forget is that you are indeed a rookie and only 18 years old if I am correct?" I nodded slightly in confirmation and the sharp looking lady with an crisply ironed dress-shirt continues.

"Seeing as you had a nasty crash end your maiden Grand Prix- were you ever afraid to get back into the car, given the extent of the g-forces you suffered in the crash and if so do you still struggle?"

I craned my neck at the question, it still hurt sometimes. I felt nauseated for a week after the crash and it had indeed been nasty. I paused for a second, debating wether or not to answer honestly, ending up with the decision that the woman could probably use a good story to take credit of, rather her than her troll men colleagues.

"Well I mean yes and no. The crash was very nasty yes, it is still my biggest so far but also no because honestly I don't struggle with that. Take this the right way- I don't want you running off and writing stories about me being suicidal or anything. But if I am being totally honest I don't struggle because I don't care. If I loose my life when driving then so be it, maybe it will even be nice to get a break from life you know? So no I don't struggle because I don't care wether I live or don't. The other drivers have families, wives and children- I don't. I don't even have a cat so it is just me and that gives me the liberty to not worry about such matters" I shrugged my shoulder at the end.

It was true. I didn't really care to keep living if it was not in the cards dealt to me. It wouldn't matter that much if I passed. I mean sure Mick and Kimi would miss me and Iris would most likely cry for a while but other than that- nothing. Nobody needed me, nobody would miss me for more than a few months and nobody would even mourn me for long. I was disposable and I knew it, call it macabre or whatever but it was true.