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29

I was right in forcing myself to believe that everything would feel better after sleeping a night in my own bed. Lando had stayed the night, insisting on sharing the bed with me even though there were four perfectly good guest rooms for him to choose from.

We had spent the afternoon being quiet and mostly just watching some crap tv, followed by spending the evening eating whatever healthy food my private chef had prepped and then spent the entire night talking about everything the other had missed out on.

When I then woke up this morning, or rather mid day, I turned around in bed to find Lando right there, next to me. Laying on his side facing me with his cheek smushed into the pillow and strands of hair falling over his forehead he finally looked peaceful. It felt nice to have him there, safe to not be so alone. I absentmindedly used my right arm to fish my phone up from underneath my pillow, it felt cold against my warm hands, and took a picture of him in the bright Monaco special sunlight.

I smiled at it, smiled at him, and then posted it to my close friends only on insta stories with the text "Invades my appartement, steals my clothes and sleeps in my bed- should I be worried about identity-theft?".

I then tucked some of the rouge strands of his soft curly hair back with the rest of it and gave him a good nod before carefully getting off the bed, taking caution not to wake him. Lando didn't ever show it but he was just as fucked up and in desperate need of rest as I was.

Being a guy apparently didn't protect him from the vicious hatred of people online- not as if he needed it. The harshness which he showed himself almost rivaled my own. He struggled just as bad as I did and maybe that was what enabled the deep understanding that had always been a constant between us. We had never needed to discuss our struggles to know and understand that it was something we shared.

I knew he struggled sleeping, his sleep issues were like my eating issues. Hard to control and easy to notice. I was one of the few people who knew just how bad his depression was, and how often it flared up. Depression was easier to cover up than dark circles, especially when most people don't care to look for it.

It was strange almost, to know all of the inside struggles of people who were always portrayed as perfect by the media. Strange to know just how badly most drivers struggled mentally but how it just was something that got swept under the rug.

There were more drivers with mental health problems than without yet nobody spoke about it.

Lando most definitely needed the sleep and I figured that was why he had insisted on staying with me, he didn't fare well on his own. He always slept better if he had someone with him, as if the company kept the bad thoughts away. I could relate to the sentiment, being alone with one's thoughts was scary sometimes. Plus I was never one to push him to talk of things he wanted to keep to himself.

My bare feet padded silently across the slightly cold floor. I made my way across the living room and opened the balcony doors to let in the soft breeze. Just one deep breath and I was reminded of why I decided on settling in Monaco, it was something in the air. The soft wind caressed my face and mate the flowy curtains flare slightly. It smelled of salt and carried the soft sounds of the ocean.

On my way to the kitchen I pulled apart any closed curtains and took some time to appreciate the great natural lighting I got. Lando was right, my apartment did have superior lighting.

The bottles in the fridge clanked as I got out a packet of eggs, butter, milk, juice, avocado and some cut up fruit. The stack of refrigerated items felt cold against my chest as I piled them into my arms before shutting the fridge with my hip and dumping them onto the kitchen counter.

I decided against making coffee since the machine was annoyingly loud and Lando was still sleeping. I uncapped the juice and took a swig directly from the bottle, not bothering with a glass since it was indeed mine and therefore I could do as I pleased, before starting on making the breakfast.