The Monster Inside Of Me (Remade)

Void of darkness

(Steven's pov)

I went inside the house. It was dark outside now and it was late. I looked at the time on my phone and it was 6:40pm. I decided to stay up for a while. I don't normally go to bed early. I usually go to bed at 9:30pm. So since it wasn't bedtime yet. I decided to stay awake for another few hours....I sat on the couch and decided to go on my phone and look at more pictures on Tumblr. Since I had nothing else better to do....As I was scrolling through Tumblr looking at more pictures of people cutting themselves. Suddenly I heard Amethyst come out of her room.

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Amethyst: Hey Ste-man what's up?

Me: *Staring at my phone* Nothing much. Just sitting on the couch. Looking at my phone. What are you doing?

Amethyst: *Digging through the fridge and finds a moldy sandwich* Just getting me some grub! Om nom nom!

Me: *I look up from my phone and I see Amethyst got a moldy-looking sandwich out of the fridge* Eww is that the same sandwich from Ocean city sub sandwich shop? That place close down 5 years ago.....

Amethyst: *shrugs her shoulders* Eeh... It still taste good to me.....

Me: 🤢🤢🤢

Also Me: That's nasty. That sandwich is super old. Your gonna get food poisoning.

*Amethyst starts feeling sick and she runs into the bathroom to go vomit*

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*One hour later....*

(Steven's pov)

All of the gems come out their rooms because they wanted to spend some time with me. We haven't spent some time together in a while because they've been busy going on missions. But now we get to sit down and play a board game and have some quality time together as a family. I should be happy right now but instead all I feel is sadness. I wish I could just tell Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl how I feel. And tell them what's bothering my mind.... But for some reason....I just......Can't.

*I just put on a fake smile and pretend I'm happy even though on the inside I want to die.*

We were playing the kitchen calamity board game
and everyone was happy....Then we all watched the Lonely Blade 5 movie and everyone was happy. Well everyone except me.....it's not that I didn't want to spend time having fun with them...it's just I had a lot on my mind......All I could think about was cutting myself.....I don't know why I feel extremely sad.....but I think I remember Sadie saying about depression. She told me that Lars used to be depressed and very moody a lot.
But I don't know what depressed means. But for some reason I just feel depressed inside my soul. Even though I don't know what the word means.... For some reason I can just feel it inside of me.....

*After spending time with the gems they all kissed me on the head and told me goodnight. Then they went to their rooms. And I was all alone again. I decided to go on Google and search for the meaning of the word "depressed" and "depression"*

Now I understand why I've been so sad and losing interest in the things I love recently..... It's because I'm going through depression.....I didn't realize this before but I do now.....

*Suddenly I decided to go to the bathroom and cut myself some more. Once I got inside the bathroom I shut the door and locked it behind me. Then I pulled the bloody razor out of the Ziploc bag. As I'm slitting my wrists and my arms. Suddenly flashbacks and bad memories appear in my mind*

*The scene changes to when everyone was getting swallowed by Rose's moss and Lars insults Steven*

"What do you know about my mom?
I didn't even know my mom!"

*Pearl slams her fist against the wall.*

Pearl: "What do you know?

You never even met her!"

*The scene changes to he Beta Kindergarten and Jasper slowly becomes corrupted*

Jasper: "My Diamond, Your Diamond, PINK DIAMOND!"

*The scene once again changes and this time were back inside the Crystal Temple*

Garnet: Rose never wanted you to see this place.

Steven: Rose wanted? Ergh...... WHAT ABOUT WHAT I WANT? I'M SICK OF EVERYONE LYING TO ME! ROSE IS MY MOM! OUT OF ANYONE, DON'T I DESERVE TO KNOW THE TRUTH?!!

*The scene changes and now we're inside the forge. And the Rose sword goes through Bismuth's chest.*

Bismuth: "You really are better than her."

*Steven accidentally poofed Bismuth*

*The scene changes again and we see Blue Diamond mourning over the loss of Pink Diamond. At her Palaquin*

Steven: I'm seeing through her eyes. I've been crying her tears.

Blue: How can something so weak as a human live and something so strong and powerful as a diamond perish...

Also BD: I'm glad I came back one last time. I finally get to save one last piece of her legacy.

++++++Flashbacks end+++++++

(Steven's pov)

*I must've cut a deep artery because my arm is bleeding a lot. I try to clean up the mess I made and put the razor away. Suddenly my vision starts to get very hazy....I don't think I'm gonna make it to my bedroom so instead I pass out in the tub*