The Monster Inside Of Me (Remade)

I'm in too deep...

*The very next day*

(Steven's pov)

My alarm on my phone was buzzing. But I shut it off. Then my alarm was buzzing again. So I had to shut it off again. My alarm started buzzing again for a third time, and this time I was very annoyed. I had the urge to throw it across the room. But instead I calmed myself down and turned it off. Then my alarm buzzed for a fourth time and I just ignored it and put a pillow over my head to drown out the noise. But my phone just kept buzzing and buzzing until I turned it off. I was way too tired to get up this morning. I wasn't feeling well at all because I did not get good rest last night. I kept waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Because of my nightmares. I was tired this morning, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. I was asleep for several hours and the gems were worried because when they came back from their mission, I was still asleep in bed. They were worried that I wasn't going to wake back up. So they tried everything to get me to wake up. Finally I woke up but I was feeling very groggy.

Me: Huh? Wha.....? What's going on?

*Pearl immediately embraces me in a tight hug*

Pearl: Oh Steven I......We...... Were so worried about you!

Amethyst: Yeah dude you were asleep for almost half the entire day......

Garnet: Steven are you feeling alright?

Me: Yeah guys I'm fine. I guess I was just very tired....

*I lied because on the inside I'm not fine but I didn't tell the gems the truth because I didn't want them to worry.*

I look over at the time on my phone and I realized how late it was: It was 3:40pm in the afternoon. I have never slept in that late before. The gems started to look at me concerned.

Pearl: Is everything all right Steven?
Amethyst: Yeah Ste-man tell us what's on your mind dude.

*Garnet didn't say anything but you could tell that she was concerned about her little cutie pie*

Me: Guys I told you already that I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about! I guess I stayed up way too late last night playing videogames. I was so tired that I guess I needed some sleep. But I didn't know that I slept this late....But it's okay everything is fine.

*I just put a mask on my face and plaster on a fake smile. But on the inside I'm not feeling okay. I feel like I'm dying inside. I felt bad. I felt guilty for lying and not telling the whole truth. But I just couldn't tell the gems what was going on....*

Amethyst: Well we're just glad that you're okay bud.

Pearl: We were just checking on you Steven! But please don't stay up late again. It is important for you to go to bed early, you know you humans need sleep.

Garnet: We care about you, cutie pie.

Me: Thanks for checking on me guys! But relax, I'm fine. I promise I won't stay up so late again.

*The gems smiled at me.*

Pearl: Well if you need us for anything. Let us know.

Garnet: We'll be inside the temple if you ever need us.

*Garnet and Pearl go to their respective rooms and I watch as the temple door closes behind them. But Amethyst stays.*

Amethyst: Hey Ste-man wanna go get some fry bits together?

Me: Uh maybe later Amy....I'm gonna go for a walk on the beach....

*Amethyst's gem on her chest lights up and the temple door to her room opens*

Amethyst: Catch ya later Ste-man!

*Amethyst goes inside the temple. Everyone is gone and I'm left alone once again. I decided to go outside and walk on the beach to get some fresh air since I haven't been outside all day. I try to clear the negative thoughts out of my brain and not think about anything. But my brain just wouldn't rest. And the negative thoughts just kept coming back to my mind.*

I kept walking along the shore and I watch as the the tides would roll in and then roll back out again. I also saw the orange-looking skies above me as the sun began to set. But I couldn't focus on anything except for the sinister voices in my head telling me all kinds of things....like:

"Your worthless!" "Everything is your fault!"

"You are a waste of space!" "You are NOTHING!"

I felt tears roll down my face and blur my vision. I felt really depressed. My head hung low and I looked at the sand beneath me. I watched as my feet trudge in the sand. I didn't want to believe the voices in my head but.... I think I already am.... I think I already am believing in the voices. I couldnt take it anymore. I decided to sit down on the beach and pull out my iphone. I went on TubeTube to listen to music. I just listen to the song with my earbuds in and I turned the volume up really loud.....hoping and praying that it would drown out the voices in my head. As the song is playing I stare out into the horizon and I look at the ocean. Suddenly I start to get flashbacks of the nightmare-ish dreams that I had last night.

I seen eyeball and the other rubies floating out in space. Then I seen Jasper becoming corrupted. Then I seen Malachite at the bottom of the ocean... And then finally I seen my mom....

*My tears blurred my vision once more and I shaked my head hoping that the negative thoughts and flashbacks away. I just wanted to die so bad. I sighed heavily and finally I got tired of being outside. And I went back inside*