The Happiness Managers

KK | 1

Happiness is an amazing business of the soul. You have to manage it yourself. And I do it by talking to random guys around me. Great business strategy. And my clients are often the ones I would call date material. What can I say? Business luck. But no money in my pocket. That's the dream ain't it?

"I am not afraid to admit I am high on libido," I say as I make my way with the brand new gentleman I met, you don't need to know the name, and chatted dirtily with for a-whole-fracking-month-long, on the site called wecantalkaboutit.com. I so totally did not start it. On Blogspot.

Okay fine, I did. Better admit it and own it. It was stupid. But it still works for me and 1528 (and counting) other loyal humans all over the world who are none other than my college mates, where they can meet partners they can dirtily chat with, in their own love language. Specially curated for them. Smart and dumb at the same time, I know right?! What can I say, I am desi cupid tossed with garlic chutney. It will stay on your tongue but oh well isn't that flavour amazing?! And who are we gonna kiss? Doggies?

"Say it straight, you wanna have sex. We are in modern India, you can ask for it." He winks.

"Eww get your mind out of the gutter mister. Broaden your perspectives, lewd human, libido means the kind of energy we emit that helps us live and motivates us to indulge in actions that keep us alive."

"Sex helps me bear life. I don't do drugs. I have beautiful women talk with me instead."

"Do they do anything else?"

"Well, it depends on whether you WANT other things or not."

"Life is amazing! I don't need these simplistic human things to make me happy!"

"Well, kalyug isn't offering much tasty bhog to relish."

"You pessimistic creatures are what is ruining this generation. We are so lucky we get all this!"

"For instance, I am feeling damn lucky listening to your blabber."

"Go fafda off."

"Really? Fafda?"

"Well mister I like to remember food, that is good stuff, when all I want to do is curse!"

rumble rumble

"Feels like your libido is vibrating. God even I can hear your stomach rumbling and begging me for a treat. And ovaries screaming for a piece of this!"

"Here's a punch- Having sex with men is like perfume. Intoxicating at first, but it wears off."

"Worst joke I have ever heard. You're better at dirty chatting."

"You are just threatened I undermined you already."

"Well, this debate will only end if we try." 

"Can you ever talk straight?"

"Can YOU ever talk straight? You writers and your bizarre thoughts."

"That's why I don't do drugs."

"You know you will if you don't get a job. What's the update on that job you sent for?"

"Eh, no reply till now."

"Again, I repeat my question, what company, especially in a capitalist world, where cost-cutting is required at every step, would accept a creative manager?"

"It's a job okay! Troubled souls who have started to suck at their job because of boredom need creative managers, to maintain a positive work environment. And entertain them."

"What do creative managers do exactly?"

"Basically making the work environment positive, resolving disputes, meeting with clients to know their requirements, overseeing daily tasks, creatively leading projects, even initiating some projects if their idea has the 'IT' in it, and also included if they hire me, stand up comedies and punches all day long to make the work environment more productive. I have studied everything on it available on the internet. Don't forget my degree in Psychology."