Rainy Midnight Thoughs

Him and his dumb presence.

I see we find ourselves here again. At this point, it seems like we're only avoiding it due to our pride. The rain outside sounds heavenly if you ask me though...oh,you're asking me to get back to the topic?  Fine. I thought that you'll be fond of listening to my rant about the rain, but it seems you're in no mood  for that huh...

Well, where shall I start...have you ever been questioning how you feel about people? I for sure do it all the time. Wether it's right to have physical contact as close to a hug or even saying the words "How are you today? You seem down." But, what can I say? After all, I'd be just another nuissance if I were the one to ask. You  know, people seem to find me to be rather 'scared' of feeling love if that's a way to word it.  I always deny it and try to stay out of any kind of ship I could possibly get with a man or woman. And, it has worked!...until now. I keep getting told how this guy is  just suddenly someone I love. Someone I have feelings for? No way! We barely speak and the most we were able to say to each other is "Sup?" Can you truly call that love? I mean, sure he does have a nice personality and sure, I wouldn't be surprised if he were to  get a girlfriend.  He has a lot of talent after all. He's able to play tons of instruments, it's reserved, it's able to read people, has a decent sense of music taste and humor...Though, how could you possibly assume he'd choose, willingly to ask me to fit that role? I'm not even able to show my best friend affection properly nor tell anyone that I need their attention. Besides, I'm not even sure how anyone would be able to put up with me. 

I'm what you could call an almost workaholic; even if I tried to get my needs across, I would suddenly quiet down if I see any sign that you won't agree. How could you possibly assume somebody would want me as their girlfriend? Not to mention, I wouldn't dare want my partner (If I were to have one) to feel unappreciated. My heart would filll itself with despair until the day of my death. Honestly, he's not the problem. I'm sure if you were to meet him, he'll be akward at first..but I assure you as dumb as he acts, he's quite the good company. He makes sitting quietly in silence as the rain pours and you're just watching from a bench a bit comforting...I'm not sure if he feels the same about it; but as silly as it is, it was a moment.