First Class Camouflage

Broken mug and a folded flag

About a month has passed since the day we dropped Nathan off and he has only called 3 times. My mom and I have gotten better at accepting the fact that we will hear from him when we hear form him and we need to live our lives until then. So today we are going to get supplies to re decorate me room, mom said I can do whatever I want with it because she won't have to pay for housing at school since I stayed so close to home. It is still pretty early in the morning but my mom has to be at work at 1 so we agreed to get a head start. I have only been up for an hour and have already shower, picked out an outfit and am working on my make up needless to say I am in a productive mood and ready to start my room makeover! Until I hear two doors slam, my room is right above the drive way so I hear everything that happens on the street but for some reason I am drawn to my window to see who is here. It is a black SUV sitting in our drive, we don't know anyone who has a black car I start thinking to myself but before I can get far I hear a crash in the kitchen. This crash was followed by the screams of my mom. There are a few types of screams you will hear in a life time, screams of fear, enjoyment, excitement and those of anguish. The screams I heard downstairs were followed by cries of helplessness, sadness and confusion. I couldn't move again. I knew what was happening even before I saw the men in uniform climb back in to there car. I was frozen. I had to check on my mom. She's still screaming. Why didn't she come upstairs to get me. She doesn't know I know. I have to move. Thoughts are rushing through my head. I can't form a complete though. Move Emily. It may not be what you think! MOVE! Just make it out of your door. okay good! Now to the top of the stairs. I feel stupid! But this is the only way I can function. One step at a time. I have to remind my self to breathe. She is still screaming! Only a couple more steps. Breathe. Now got to the kitchen. I see my mom sitting on the floor leaning against the cabinets pieces of a ceramic coffee mug and a folded up flag around her. It's true. I was right. I can't speak. She wouldn't hear me. She doesn't see me she is staring at here knees which are draw to her chest and she is just screaming. How long will this go on. How long do I allow this to go on. Am I crying? I wipe my face and nothing.. I am not crying. I don't know what to do so I sit in on the floor in front of her and look at the floor. After ten minutes the screams stop but the crying continues. I am still not crying just staring. After about 40 minutes she finally looks up. She sees my face. Nether of us know what to say. What do you say to a woman who just lost her son and a twin who just lost her other half?