casual affair

Chapter 9

Harry pov

I couldn't sleep that night thinking about what Niall said, he loved me? 

Etta got home that night and I stayed up talking with her. Part of me wanted to talk to her, I had missed her. The other part wanted some conversation so I could avoid thinking about Niall. It was around two am before Etta went to sleep but I stayed out by the pool. 

"You're not coming?" She asked holding out her hand. 

I thought about it, usually, I wouldn't hesitate to go with her. Usually, I loved lying next to her, waking up with her, talking with her, kissing her.  

It hurts me to think those feelings had changed for her. 

"No i'm okay just gonna stay out here for a bit, you go get some rest though" I answered and smiled at her. 

She smiled sadly at me and paused for a moment, as if she was going to say something, then shook her head slightly and went inside. 

I knew she felt something was off, she was incredible at reading me and she was very smart. I knew she could tell I was distant, but I also knew she wouldn't ask. Etta was the type of person to wait until you asked for help, she didn't make you talk about anything unless you were ready. 

We were friends before we dated, we met due to a meeting with her company and the one I worked for. I was hired to design their new logo and website. We had a series of meetings with each other over work but those slowly turned into dates. I remember i was so interested in how smart she was and how sophisticated she seemed. She was one of those women who knew exactly what she wanted and she was gonna get it. I admired that about her, how confident and sure of herself she was. Not to mention she was absolutely beautiful, but that's a plus. 

I still loved her, truly, but the whole situation with Niall is throwing me off. 

I care for him, I really do, but love? I can't say that's true for me. I knew I loved Etta, could feel it throughout my whole body. With Niall, it's more of an arousal and lust, and I know that makes me sound like a dick for just making it seem like Niall was a booty-call, but I just don't feel as deep as love for him. 

I didn't really think this through before engaging our little relationship we had going on, I assumed it would just be like a summer fling, a little excitement. I would get something new, and he could get some stories and experience to go home with. I never thought it would be this serious. 

I can't say i'm shocked thought, Niall had never had a boyfriend or done anything sexual and I just swooped in and did it all. 

His first date. 

First kiss.

His virginity. 

Fuck.

No wonder he seemed to be in love, i'm all he's ever had. 

That thought made me want to drown myself in the pool infront of me out of guilt. That seemed to me a constant feeling for me, guilt. I couldn't even look Etta in the eyes, and I tiptoed around both her and Niall to keep both of their feelings protected. Not to mention, I had totally taken advantage of Niall. 

I laid back on the pool chair and looked up at the sky, hoping a meteor would hit me or something, but it never came. 

I must've fallen asleep in the chair because I was lightly shaken awake and sunlight burned into my eyes. 

"Hey babe, you must've fallen asleep" Etta lightly laughed and smiled at me.