Let Memories Unfold

Chapter 4

When Harry awoke the next morning, after falling into a dead sleep from the exhaustion put out from the day before, he once again felt sick to his stomach. He hadn't eaten enough to sick anything up fully, so he resorted to swallowing bile back down.

Sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, and trying but failing to stifle a yawn he checked the time. It was early, too early to start getting ready for the day so Harry leaned back against the headboard and looked up to the ceiling of his canopy, sighing. Feeling an ache in his left arm, he glanced down and met his sleeve that was stained a dark, muddy red. He was upset he didn't clean up the damage he did the previous night, but wasn't upset there was anything to clean up in the first place. He still marvelled over the fact it managed to calm him down so quickly, as if slicing the skin on his wrist let room for negative emotions to seep out alongside his blood.

Harry was half way through deciding how to clean his top sleeve, before cursing at himself and casting a Scroungify on it and relaxed slightly seeing the now cleaned top, which has the benefit of cleaning the full top and not just the sleeve. Although he was practically raised muggleborn, he really should remember he has spells to cast that can solve simple issues.

His mind then drifted as to why he even caused havoc on himself, and he felt himself start to panic slightly. How was he to face Snape after that? He knew he had Potions first thing today, which caused him to groan lightly. Just his luck.

He did not want to meet Snape, or his eyes. He had had to remember half of his derelict childhood and have Snape bare witness to it. There was a reason he chose to actively ignore what went on at the house he resided in when not at home, and the evidence of why lay aggravated and pulsing across his arm. He never told anyone about it because it was not only painful for him to re-tell and relive, he hated seeing people reactions to it. It was either filled with pity, his least favourite, or overbearing worry and fawning. Sorry, Hermione.

He supposed he should feel guilt for not being appreciative of the concern Hermione so consistently showed him, but he was never showed it throughout the ages, and it made him uncomfortable to be painted with it daily.

Now though, there was another one. Mocking, and hilarity. Snape just had to introduce himself to the selection, and it made Harry's inside boil with a flicker of rage he hadn't felt in awhile. What right did Snape have to see that? Why couldn't he have just told Harry straightforward, how to 'clear his mind' before invading it so intrusively? Harry was almost certain there had to be an easier, less excruciating way to do so. Though, knowing Snape he wasn't surprised he took the most ridiculing and humiliating way.

Checking the time again, his eyes widened at how long he had let himself get lost within his own head, and got up and out of his closed off bed and headed for the bathroom to start his routine. For the past 4 years, he had always been the first in and first out of the bathroom, with Neville who followed after him. Even throughout tense moments, it seemed an unspoken rule that everyone followed, and Harry couldn't be more thankful of it. He couldn't stand for anyone to decide to take Harry's place as first, and risk them seeing him or messing up his routine.

It always confused Harry, he couldn't stand to have a routine messed up. His morning routine was strict. Get up, shower, brush his teeth and get dressed. Socks, trousers, top, shoes and robes. He didn't know if the following of routine had been beaten into him from the Dursley's, or if it was part of who he was. Surely, if it was the Dursley's, it would've lessened up once he reached Hogwarts and recognised he wouldn't be hurt for not following a routine. Though, it now looked like the only person who would hurt him for breaking a routine was himself.

Sighing and shaking the water out of his hair, reminding him of how Sirius did so, he brushed his teeth and opted to ignore the reflection taunting back at him from the mirror. It would only damper his mood, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to test how low it could go.