Something to lose

Jealousy, jealousy (newt)

Should I follow y/n? I thought to myself. I did the right thing now she hates me. I know it's the right thing to do but a part of me just wants to run after her and tell her that I don't hate her, I don't just not hate her,I love her. Her beautiful smile with 2 small dimples in each side of her mouth. Her lips. God her lips, Id give everything to be able to kiss her. Her personality, the way she acts brave and confident but in reality she's the sweetest person in this cruel world. The way that she is always smiling is something that I will never understand. Her ability to keep a pleasant expression even though she is dying inside just to not worry people. I'm being such a b*tch and she is trying to see what she is doing wrong, and in reality im the one who is messing it up. I keep saying it's to not hurt her but the truth is that I'm scared that she will hurt me. The only f*cking reason I'm being a little b*tch is becoming I don't want to get hurt. When I finally finish ranting to myself about how  much I messed up I'm finally done gardening. I spent the whole day trying to think what to say to her the next time I see her. Thomas and Minho are finally back from their run so that means it dinner time. I grab a bowl of hot soup and sit in the table we always sit in. I'm waiting for y/n to come but she doesn't,everyone is here except for her. Suddenly as I'm drinking my soup I see y/n. I take a deep breath preparing myself to what is coming next but to my surprise it didn't go as planned. She's with gally. She's sitting there with f*cking gally while laughing. I want to rip out his head right now. I try to ignore them but I'm unable to take my eyes off them. "Dude, make it a little more obvious that your jealous will you?" I hear from beside me. It's Minho who is actually very close to y/n, not in a couple way thought, he doesn't like y/n and just says that they are besties. I'm still starring at them when I say " do you think that if I kill gally right now I'll be in trouble?" They both look at me in shock not knowing if I'm joking or not. "Do you think she's attractive?" I hear as I finally turn my head. " no sh*ts, she's the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. She's not just beautiful but she also has the best personality ever. She's not like other girls, she's warm and selfless. She's perfect. Her mesmerizing eyes are like stories,they will say more than what her mouth ever will. Sometimes I wonder if she's even real, she's like an angel" I say while blushing. They are both looking at me with a huge surprise in their faces. They did not expect me to describe her like that and if I'm being honest neither did I. My feelings are stronger than what I thought they were.