Welcome to Avonlea

Chapter 14

"Marilla? What did you mean I would regret it if I didn't take it? The chance to fall in love." "Because, I don't want to see that you didn't act on it and regret it for the rest of your life." "I don't want to pry and you don't have to say anything. But are you saying this because you regret it. We were told both you and Matthew never married." "Yes. But at the time it wasn't possible." I didn't ask more when Anne came downstairs. "I'll go fetch some eggs." I went to put on my coat and gloves before taking the basket outside. The trek was slow to the coop. He talked about himself and it did show he could open up to me about anything. The feeling of not knowing was slowly slipping away. But I still felt scared of not just my own feelings, but his as well. What if he only thought of us as friends and if I grew to care so much more and was unrequited? Rejection would only make me never want to try it again and would choose to be alone. I couldn't bear to feel rejection again or be in a loveless marriage. I tried to think of other things as I thought about the story I was writing. We were only supposed to write short ones for our club. But the one I started was becoming so much more, the others were more of rough drafts with the possibility of becoming more.

"Lydia. Come up to the board and figure this equation." I looked up from my slate and saw it. I saw there were multiple so I didn't get to see which on he wanted me to do. Standing and going to the board. Picking up the chalk, I started on the one on the left. My hand moved quickly finishing the first and moving onto the next. It wasn't until the forth I was stopped. "I said this equation. Not all of them." I glanced at Mr. Phillips and saw he was irritated that I solved them. "Sorry sir." I put the chalk down and went to my seat. He talked to himself but could hear it was about me and they were not nice things as he wiped the board. The rest of the day went in this fashion. Whenever one of the others couldn't answer, he picked on either Anne or me and it only irritated him more that we were understanding what he was wanting us to learn.

When we left school, Billy and a few of his friends blocked our way. "Please move. We're trying to walk home." Diana spoke up. "You two think you're so smart. You know you'll just end up being in the kitchen, so why bother even trying to learn anything. You should just go home and get ready for that kind of life." He laughed with his friends. "Are you scared of a girl being smarter than you?" "Lydia, don't." "No Diana. I'm curious." "Listen here mutt. You would be lucky if anyone would want to even be married to you. But, you should be ready if a man does, you do as you're told." "To me, it sounds like you are scared. I feel sorry for any woman that would even have the notion for wanting to be married to you. Now, if you'll excuse us. We need to get home." I walked between him and his friends shoving my way through. "I cannot believe you would say or do that to Billy." "Diana, if you were told that you had to marry someone like him. Would you? He has no respect whatsoever to women. You would be nothing but amusement for him to boss around." I looked at her. "You should find someone you love that will give you respect. Not one you would have to bend over backwards to please even for a moment before they act all pompous again." She looked forward as if thinking. "This is why I don't think I ever want to marry. Aunt Josephine did give us good advice. Choose a career and wear our own wedding dress and be our own woman." I didn't say anything to Anne as her and Diana started talking.

When I got to Anne and my bedroom. Our writing desk was in front of her bed but she was no where. I was in the parlor reading when I heard everyone doing something. Seeing the scrunched up papers, I picking one up and straighten it out. My open opened a little seeing it was a attempt at writing a letter to Gilbert. Picking up the others, they were all the same. She was trying to apologize about what she said. But from the looks of it, couldn't find the words which was unusual. My heart felt cold when I thought about it. Was she starting to like him? I put her things away and brought the desk to the window and did all my homework and much more. I even started on another possible rough draft before working on the one that started out as several pages and became over ninty. My hand stopped a few time as I looked outside before putting everything away. I stared at nothing as the cold spread more. Maybe this is why she trying so hard to make me change my mind. But the thought was horrible and deceitful that she would talk me out of it but allow herself to do so. I glanced at the books at my bookshelf. Love was never like it was in books. Here in reality, there would always be obstacles and I didn't want Anne to be one of them. I don't think I could take it if I had to give up. My thoughts were moving so quickly that they came up with multiple reasons if it did happen that way. I would just leave. I already had plenty of stories started and had time to finish them before exams. I would just have to find a Press that would publish my finished works. The thought made me upset at the thought that I would be writing books about love and adventure but never experiencing it myself. The adventure part most likely but not the other. I bit my lip and placed what I had so far under my bed. I sat down on my bed and looked at Anne's. I would have to speak to her, but was to afraid to. I didn't want to cause a fight or tear us apart.