crave | 16+

XXXV

JOSIE

I COULDN'T TELL YOU how far I've run, how long I've been crying, or how many words of affirmation I've told myself since Aaron knocked on the office door, wanting to keep me company while Elijah was in the meeting. All I can tell is that the sun has gone down and I've been walking for hours trying to clear the havoc that's playing out in my mind.

He's here. He's been here all along, just under the goddamned place where I was kidnapped, right under Elijah's office, and no one cared to tell me. Not a soul. Not even Aaron whom I've been seeing frequently for the year I didn't see Elijah. Elijah. Fresh tears blue my vision as I make a beeline across the zebra walk, toward Central Park.

Elijah, Elijah, Elijah, my heart chants. My poor heart, that's been broken more times than I can count by the same man. The same man that promised me the limbo between heaven and hell. The same man that sold off his life for me, to protect me. Lied to me. I walk toward a bench, my breathing pattern heavy as I try to calm myself.

There must be a reason why he hasn't told me about his brother. I know so. The phone in my pocket breaks me out of my state of "fuck-my-entire-life", and the name on the screen makes me heart drop. My finger swerves over the answer button, but instead, I let the damned thing ring out, before turning it off, and pocketing it once more. I can't fathom the sound of his blissful voice right now, the softness he carries when he speaks.

The one I've deluded myself into thinking is something he's just granted me, knowing that he's always spoken to me in that soft voice. As if he's afraid to tarnish me with those harsh words he uses on everyone else.

"Since when do we ignore each other's phone calls?"

My blood runs cold, when I hear said soft voice right behind me. Of course he knew I was here. I don't move an inch as the gravel beneath his feet crunches as he takes a seat next to me on the bench. I curse my stupid heart for beating so hard for him, knowing it isn't in malicious intent, or the fact that he makes me uncomfortable or scared. No, it beats like crazy because I'm so in love with him, that it's oozing out of me.

I turn to look at the face I've memorised, the face I can recognise miles away. Its curves in the shadows, the sharpness of his jaw. Those dimples that will be the end of me. When I reach his eyes, they hold a look I know all too well. The same look he gave me last time we were seated in central park. The one where he silently asks me if I'm over with him. But what he doesn't know is that he has me bound to him, heart and mind, body and soul, like an invisible string that pulls me closer to him everytime he even thinks about moving away from me. Had he not found me here, I would have walked back to his apartment. Not because I lack self respect, but because my body physically can't be away.

"You lied to me," are the words I finally say, after just looking at him. His face doesn't move an inch, not giving anything away.

"I'll need more than that, darling."

Oh my heart.
My poor, poor heart.

"He's there. He always has been. I saw him," I croak out, trying to not start sobbing right here in front of him.

"Who?" Elijah asks, inching closer to me. "Who did you see, darling? Who has put you in this frazzled state? Hmm? Tell me, my love. Tell me, and I swear I'll do them no good." He's so close to me now, our faces atop one another, his brows aligned with mine, his voice nothing but a mere whisper above my lips. "I'd burn this world for you. All you have to do is ask."

A traitorous tear runs down my cheek. My bottom lip wobbles, but Elijah catches it between his own in a soft peck. That's all it takes, before I'm sobbing in his arms, the fear I felt earlier finally hitting me. The fact that his touch was on me again, that fact that he was able to reach me, finally settles in my brain. He touched me. He kissed the same lips, as Elijah just did.

Elijah cups my face in his hands, his face frantic as if he's seeing me, but doesn't know what to do with me. "Baby," he coos. "My sweet girl. Who hurt you?"

I open my mouth, to utter his name, the name that still haunts my nightmares, the man that scares me to the pits of hell, but nothing comes out. They're brothers. How do I tell him the brother he already hates, grabbed me. How do I tell him, his brother forced his lips down on mine. How do I tell him I tried to push him away, but he grabbed my wrists and forced himself on me? How do I admit to such defeat that I let myself be taken advantage of, again?

I shake my head against his, but Elijah isn't having it, as he cups my face and forces me to look at him. I stare at him, awaiting whatever reaction he'll have to my lunatic reaction but nothing of the sort shows. Instead he tilts his head, a sad smile coming onto his lips. I return the favour, and flash him one back.

"You don't have to tell me, Josephine," he says in a calm tone. "But know I am here if you ever want to," he continues. I sigh and just look at him. Look at the kind man I for so long denied myself because I thought I deserved worse. And now his brother has touched me.

A bittersweet taste settles on my tongue when I sputter the lie out of my mouth. "I promise nothing happened."

Elijah nods, in a way that tells me he doesn't believe me, but he'll take it. He stands up and puts his hand out for me to take. I stare at it, not having the conscience to let him be soft, sweet, lovely to me, knowing what happened just earlier today. Knowing the man he probably hates the most has touched the one thing he prizes higher than anything else in his life. Knowing that his brother tarnished the one thing Elijah cherished as his own. Me.

"Come now," Elijah coaxes. I don't move an inch. "Josephine," he drawls in a sing-song. "Don't be a bleeding idiot, and come now." His accent and tone of his voice go against one another. The accent is thick, almost as if he's never lived in the states, but his voice is soft, humour laced behind it, but I just can't. I can't go home with him, can't sleep with him, can't let him enter me, knowing I'm...ruined.

"I can't." It's a mere pathetic whisper, but it's all my body has to offer.

"You can. You will. This is your right. Do you hear me, Josephine Grace Moore? I am yours, just the same way you are mine. So you sure as hell can. Come now."

I lift my head, my eyes probably huge and glazed with tears. "Mine?" I question.

He nods. "Always." He takes a step closer to me, his hand still in the air, waiting for me to clasp my own into it so we can intertwine our fingers. Telling you my own fingers weren't itching to be close to his body, would be a lie, so I won't tell you just that. "Say it, my love. Own it. Believe it."

I hesitate as I say the words; "You are mine?"

He throws his head back, and makes a sound I've recently found myself addicted to. "Try again, but without asking me."

A small smile erupts on my mouth, and I see the triumph behind Elijah's eyes. I realise what he's doing, fast. He's trying to distract me from the plagues of his brother (he doesn't know it's his own blood), and I'm realising that it is working. So I give him just one more win.

"You are mine." My voice is stern, and determined. Elijah makes a satisfied noise, before etching his hand closer.

"That's right. Now, come. Bring it here, baby."

I smile big this time, as I plant my own hand in his. He brings it to his mouth, and plants a kiss on my knuckles, before we start walking toward the exit of the park. We walk back toward Christ Enterprises. I don't say what happened at the Ring and he doesn't ask. And I realise I might just be able to survive this defeat, because I've got my backbone right next to me.

The man who himself said this was for life, and meant it. The man who showed me nothing since he uttered the words on my couch. So I won't tell him about Zakaria. I won't let Zakaria win. Because this is my story, and I choose the storyline. Not him. I refuse to let him win.

"I love you," Elijah says, breaking the silence we'd fallen into.

"I love you too," I reply, as a smile edges its way to my lips. "My big mobster."

"Just for you, darling," he murmurs. 

. . . 
i'm so sad this is ending soon tbh i can't believe it