The Body #3: Rogue and Euphemia

Chapter 23 (Rogue): A Bad Review

***TW for violence and death***

I could understand Euphemia's confusion. How could the person who let you down completely and in every way possible be the person you also wanted to comfort you? I didn't understand the psychology behind it, but I wasn't going to question it or look too deeply into it. Very simply, if Euphemia wanted me, she'd get me. If she needed something from me, she'd get it. If it was in my power to give it to her, I'd place it at her feet.

Unable to stop myself, I pressed my hand to the small of her back as I followed her to her bedroom. I held the covers up for her so she could get into bed, then I picked up Cuddles, handed her to Effie and covered them both. Sitting down next to Effie, I smoothed her hair away from her face and watched as her eyes closed. I knew she wasn't asleep but simply relaxing.

"I was thinking that I want to go back over to your place today," she said without opening her eyes.

"And why is that?" I asked, thinking I might have to sell that damn house after what happened there. "I figured it's the last place you'd want to go."

"I guess it's just facing my fears," she said. "Being kidnapped from your driveway isn't what I want my last memory of that house -- your house -- to be."

"We'll go over whenever you want. If you'd like, I'll make you dinner tonight and then I'll walk you out to your car again." With a gun in my hand this time in case lightning strikes twice. And then I'll follow you home and walk you to your door. Check the inside of your apartment and sit inside watching over you.

"Rogue."

"I'm here, lady."

"I know. I just wish..."

She trailed off, but I could finish that thought: I just wish you'd always been there for me.

"I know," I said gently. "I just wish, too, more than you'll ever know."

"Can you talk to me?" she sighed. "About anything until I fall asleep? I've always liked listening to your voice."

Of course I could and I did. I quietly told her everything about my life before I'd met her, told her about every last fucking detail of the case against my brother and president, my fears my drive, my determination to save them after the way they'd served vengeance to the man who'd kidnapped and terrified Winnie. Admitted every last thought and feeling I'd had when I met her and confessed all the wrongs I'd committed. It was committing to words what had always been in my mind and in my heart.

It was a long fucking monologue, and I'd felt both better and worse when I finished. Better for getting absolutely everything out and worse because it was so easy to see exactly where I'd gone wrong so many times, acting one way when I should have been acting another. I must have talked for over an hour, nothing moving except for my mouth and my hand stroking Effie's head. I was sure she must have fallen asleep at some point but still the words came out in a cascade of brutal honesty that ended with me telling her how much I loved her.

When I finally stopped talking, Effie reached a hand out, touched my leg and whispered, "Don't leave."

"I won't."

It was about five in the morning and about the second time I'd nodded off before I finally admitted defeat. I got up from sitting next to a soundly-sleeping Effie and went to the other side of her bed and stretched out next to her. Her sweet don't leave I'd taken literally and wouldn't even go as far as the couch in the living room. I just couldn't sit up any longer.

She'd rolled onto her back and, after debating, I took her hand in mine and fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, Effie was already out of bed, and I wandered out to the living room where she'd put the sleeper-sofa back to rights.