Lander Oneshot Book 💜🧡✨🫶Lander

I know you're trying ⚡☁️

Requested by: @Savy_May
Zander is going through some shit.
Self-harm warning! And blood.
Teehee first chapter!

Zander POV:

I look to my right at what should be my lavender wall. I have a poster on that wall above the head of my bed.

I do what I always do: I stare at that poster until it un-mixes with the purple behind it. What looks like a purple and navy-blue blob slowly turns into distinct shapes. What looks like a mess of skin tones turns into the band member's faces, and slowly, the words take shape.

After a few minutes of staring, hard, I allow myself to look down. In my right hand lays a tissue, in my left hand lays a kitchen knife, and on my wrist lays two fresh cuts; one for each mistake I made today.

The blood starts to mix with my pale skin, so I stare at the poster again.

This is how it always is, until I can bring myself to bandage the cuts.

Luke POV:

Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring!

It's 3:24 in the fucking morning, Zander.

I pluck the charger out of its port and let it fall behind my bedside table.

Ring! Ring! Ri-

I pick up the phone.

"H-hey babe..." Zander's voice is distorted and shaky. I can't tell if the service is bad or if he's crying, but I can tell something's up.

"Hey darling..." I try to sound like I'm not frustrated with him calling in the middle of the night on a school night, but I don't even attempt to not sound tired.

"C-can you come over...? Please...?" He's definitely crying.

"Wh- What happened?" My voice immediately fills with concern, and my eyes widen, even though I know he can't see. I clutch my phone closer to my chest.

"I'm sorry, Lukey... I t-tried not to." I instantly know what happened as soon as he says those words.

"D-don't do anything else! I'll be right there, love, okay?" The panic in my voice is evident as I scramble to grab a hoodie and shoes.

"Okay... Be careful, it's r-raining."

"Thanks love, I'll be over as soon as I can. I love you."

"I love you too, Lukey."

I hang up the call as I quietly go down the stairs. Thankfully, my mom isn't sleeping on the couch. I pull my hood over my head and open the front door, stepping out onto the porch.

I decide to take a short cut to get to Zander's house. I cut through the woods between our neighborhoods, doing whatever I can to get there faster. I start at a walk, but by the time I reach his house, I'm in a full sprint.

It's all I can do to not burst into tears thinking about the scene I might walk into.

Zander POV:

I hear the front door opening, and relief floods through my body. I try to stand up, but nausea takes over my body and I'm forced to sit down again.

I hear his familiar footsteps climbing the stairs, and the next thing I feel is his arms around me.

"Are you okay, love...?" Luke asks me, his tone soft and caring. His voice instantly soothes me, and I close my eyes.

"I feel better, now that you're here." I say quietly.

"C-can you show me your cuts...?" Luke's voice cracks, and it's clear he's nervous. He's told me before that whenever I'm upset, he gets so uptight and worried to say the wrong thing. I try to reassure him that he's doing and saying the right thing.

I hold up my wrist in front of me so he can see. I feel my eyes get hot, and Luke audibly gasps, his inhale filled with worry and concern.

"I t-tried..." I try so, so hard not to cry, but I can't stop the flow of tears streaming down my cheeks. The harder I try, the worse it gets.

"I know you're t-trying, d-dear." Luke's breath gets shaky, and I can tell he's crying. His hands are shaking too when he gently strokes the skin surrounding the cuts.

"I f-feel so useless..." I try not to resort to negativity, but my emotions seem to control me more than I control them.

"No, no, n-no, n-no... L-love, you're not u-useless..." Luke starts crying a bit harder, but I can tell he's trying to be strong for me. He opens up my bedside table and takes out a first aid kit. While we talk, he patches up my cuts.

"I just hate being vulnerable..." I use everything I have in me to resist the negative thoughts.

"H-how about this, love. You tell me how you f-feel... And I'll tell you why you're wrong. O-okay?"

"O-okay... Um..." I hesitate, not wanting to burden him by dumping my feelings on him.

"Please darling, t-tell me how you're f-feeling."

I hesitate more. I feel terrible for doing this to him. Just as I'm about to speak, I feel a sharp pain in my wrist.

"A-ah!" I cry out in pain.

"Shhh... Shh... you're okay darling... I'm just patching you up..." Luke tries to soothe me. I can tell he's working hard to keep his composure.

"I don't want to talk about how I feel..." I say quietly, moving on from the pain.

"It's okay love, that doesn't make you weak. You know you're not a burden, right?" He pauses and looks me in the eyes. I nod, and he goes back to fixing up my cuts. "I love you so much, Zander, you're so beautiful... Your heart is so big and strong and you're so kind... I find myself envying the way you handle situations under pressure. You do so good when the whole world relies on you, and I wish I could do that." He pauses to take a breath.

"Luke..." I try to intervene, but he cuts me off and continues his speech.

"You're so pretty, too, you know that? Your eyes are so beautiful, I love the way the lavender fades to a violet and the golden sparkles that appear in the sun. I love the way your eyes light up when you're doing something you love. Your skin is so soft, I just want to touch it forever... I want to hug you and kiss you until you fall asleep every night and stay awake for hours watching your rhythmic breathing in my arms..." Luke starts to zone out. His thoughts stay inside his head for a few minutes.

He finishes bandaging my cuts. "There you go, love. All patched up." He smiles softly at me, and I can't help but smile back.

"You... You really didn't have to say all of that." I don't know why I said that, but I did.

"I just want you to know how much I love you. Really, you mean the world to me. If I lost you... Look, love, I know how much you try. You try so hard, and I appreciate that, and I admire you for that. But please, keep trying. I can't bear to lose you." Luke's voice cracks on the last sentence. I pull him into a hug.

"You'll never lose me, Luke. I love you too much for that..." My voice is barely audible, but I know he hears me when he kisses the top of my head.

"Let's go to sleep now, shall we?" Luke pulls me closer and lays me down on my bed next to him.

"I love you, Lukey..."

"I love you too, Grapey."

"Shut up."

Finally this is done, I've been working on it for a while. Total word count including all authors notes is 1,224.