just a girl

not the same

songs / album for this chapter: sadderdays by the neighourhood.-- light shower by melanie martinez

kie and I sit on the counter of the kitchen, in the corner. I dress her small cuts and give her ice for the small bruises from the party. we sit in silence mostly, with small exchanges of thank yous' and how is your mom? which prompts a brief explanation on why I'm here in the first place. nothing too explicit. i don't tell her about the stalking or the danger. just about how my momj needed to double down on safety for a little. But it still doesn't cover for the fact that being here wouldn't require a whole new renovated house.

after a brief interaction with pope, I determine he is sober, and so is kiara. they most likey got spooked into sobriety when the fight started. While all this is happening, I catch all of them looking at me with some type of awe, or maybe judgement, in their eyes. They look confused, but only kiara looks guilty.

"so," I say, while me and kie look out into the windows, the sun just setting and everything is calm, "are you going to tell me why you A; ditched me, B; most likely told you're friends that I'm a mean, snobby witch, and C; tell me what the hell happened between you and sarah that made you ignore and desert me without any contact?"

she squirms in her place on the counter, uncomfortable and avoidant. "well, that's a little bit of a long story." she says, eyes anywhere but on me. I cut in, "That's fine. none of you guys are okay to drive and I doubt you would have a backup plan if cops come knocking at your door in the next few days asking what happened at the party. so I suggest you stay here today and most of tomorrow. this way I get my explanation, and ya'll get your alibi."

She thinks it over, than says, "Can we talk while you make your famous brownies?" for all the distance she has put between us, she looks almost regretful, and nostalgic. and as much as that distance made me hate her, the suggestion made me feel like we were little girls again. playing around in the kitchen and putting strawberry shortcake bandaids on our little scrapes and bumps. before all of this. before moving.

"yes. yes we can. but this better be one hell of an explanation." I smile, softly, as to not show too much of my excitement. i haven't made my brownies in a while, and to be honest? i don't think i'd do it with anyone else.

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"ok brownies are in the oven," I say as we sit back down on the counter. we had little conversation in between, where Kie told me most of what was happening. sarah had ditched her around the 8th grade, and Kiara assumed that I either had something to do with it, or I knew about it. 

"You do know," I start, "That assuming I knew about her betrayal doesn't mean you can blow me off without talking to me, right? And by staying in touch and then ghosting me was a dick move, right?" She looks down, into her hands which are covered in flour and batter, and sighs. "Yeah. i think deep down I knew that. i think the kooks were getting to me and I wanted to cut everything from before that moment off. these guys," She gestures out to where the guys should be resting,"They never expected me to act a certain way because of what I have. they've been kind, loving, brotherly, and patient with me. I just don't think I've ever had a girl act the same way without some type of alterior motive."

I just look out the window, into the setting sun. "I've always prided myself in friendship. it came to me rarely so I treasured it when it did come. I understand that you were hurt by sara, but, I mean c'mon, kie. you didn't ask me about it, didn't try to clear up the air, didn't say anything and when I seek you out to make sure you're okay, and you're not mad, you ignore me and tell people I am stuck up and rude."