the little things inside my head called thoughts

Painting

⚠️TW mention of Self harm⚠️

Every person starts with a white canvas.

In the beginning, it's not easy to know what to do with all the art supplies. We must find some we like and can be happy with, or ones we love. And we also need to learn how to paint and some techniques. With some practice and time  we slowly know what we're doing.

Mine was full of watercolors for a long time they were just discreet. I was shy about showing more of myself.
As more time passed, more color got on the canvas. Every day, the colors got brighter and brighter.
I was satisfied with how it was and didn't want it to change.
It was actually perfect.

But not every canvas can be perfect, right? So something changed. And it bothered me. I wanted to correct it, so it wouldn't affect my painting, but as I tried to stop it from changing, more and more water got on the once beautiful multicolored painting, washing it away. It turned gray and then black. Completely black, and if this wasn't enough, some of my expensive art supplies broke, and I just couldn't get some new supplies because I knew I would not find one like my old ones.

I distanced myself from painting because I was not motivated, and I thought that there was no way to get it back to being like it was before.
So, I completely stopped.
At some point, I want to just rip it apart. It was all too messed up and fucked up, so I didn't want to have it anymore. At the end, the painting was still black; it still existed, but there were some red lines on it and some parts were ripped. It was just like blood, and that was how it was going. 

Until one day, a new art supply just appeared, and with it came the colors white and rainbow.  

At first, I didn't trust it but as someone once said, time heals, and it did. The canvas got white, and with time, it also gained some colors again. It covered and healed wounds it didn't cause. I got interested in sketching and painting again, among other things. Till today, the dark is covered up with the new painting. Sometimes I still struggle not to just bedeck the canvas with black and red again but thanks to the new art supply I didn't have done it yet.

Paintings/Canvass are like lives, and you will never know what the person covered with the dye they're showing. Behind every painting can be a big process, history, and maybe many cover-ups you'll never know about.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽mia☾₊‧⁺˖⋆