ARTIFICIAL

U R G E S

Nathaniel

There are many things I don't understand right now and yet I find myself not wanting to. I don't exactly know what it is about but I know it's because of the woman in front of me. Working has served to be difficult because all I think about is her face and being in her presence all the time but it doesn't help that when I am this close to her and all I smell is nothing but sweet honey.

It wasn't exactly my intention to get this close to her but even I have to admit it's not easy to resist her charms. And most of all, I don't know why she hasn't been doing what most women do especially when I reject them. They would try to seduce me hoping to get my attention in another way if words don't suffice. And yet my fiancé stays completely clear of me like she doesn't the least bit care if I don't want her, that alone makes me want her even more.

I've never had to chase a woman and somehow this one not only doesn't want me but she doesn't even want to be chased. Let alone she bought chocolates for me, my best guess is that she only did it to be friendly because I know how friendly she is now. Almost every one of my staff members likes her presence because she's nice and always wants to help.

I've never met a woman like Ravina before. I never exactly cared about nice people because a good heart means weakness, except this good heart is making almost everyone in my house like her and want to be around her. If she wanted, she could use it to her as advantage and manipulate people into giving her what she wants. She has this aura around her, I can't explain it but you just can't hate her, not unless you're jealous but what can one be jealous of from this little creature? She's.. perfect. Almost too perfect.

I'm aware of the changes in my body and it's happening too fast for my liking. The need to please her, to protect her and get her whatever she wants just so she can smile. I've only ever seen her smile once before when she was conversing with the maid she likes, I now know as Angel. Her eyes squint that they almost shut, her cheekbones pop with dimples on them like she's a little baby. That picture is engraved in my mind for what reason I don't know.

I've come to a conclusion from studying and watching her and there's one word to describe Ravina.

Purity.

She's too pure for this world. She's not safe because this world, my world specifically will crush her from the inside out and that's why I am here right now, holding her small body against me so I could test a theory. And my theory is confirmed when she freezes, not expecting this action when I'm going to do this a lot. I don't like proximity with anyone, but she's my wife she's supposed to be some exception right? I'm supposed to pull her close to me without her being surprised if I have to.

But now I'm unsure if I wanted to test this theory or I simply wanted to know how she feels against me and I'll admit, I don't hate it at all. But with the way she froze I could tell she's not used to this kind of proximity. Now hearing she's a virgin, now that's laughable.

"You're not mad?" Her little timid voice snaps me out of my trance. It's an unexpected question and most importantly it's one I have to tread carefully before answering.

"Why would I be mad about your sex life?" I question, even though part of me knows I definitely can't say it's not good news.

"Oh." She replies, seemingly stunned by what I say. Until she speaks again. "If it's any consolation though I'm not a virgin. I just meant I've never kissed anyone before." She adds, further confusing me with this little detail. One I don't think I wanted to know. "I mean not that it's something to be proud of or anything I just meant like if you wanted someone wi-" I let go of her which luckily stops her ranting.

That's the problem about her, she never knows when to shut up. No matter how many times I repeat what she just explained to me, nothing comes out at all. Nothing  that gives me an understanding of what she means. Sex without kissing? It's possible sure but.. I don't know. Why the fuck am I even thinking about it? I don't care, like I said it's none of my business.