Lay Me Down (MxM)

20. Trust Issues

Hi humans, just a forewarning that this chapter will contain mention of neglect/abuse, drug use, inferred prostitution, and a slur for queer folks. I appreciate all of you for your support and kindness, especially how fiercely protective you've all become of sweet Luca! I'm so anxious to get started with the next chapter. Lastly, there's some new fanart of Lucas from the chapter "Oxy and a BJ" , it's lurking on my IG account, so if you'd like to see it please head over there. -Quill

Jae

It was seven-twenty now, and I fought myself with every passing minute. I needed to stop, turn around, and take the blue-eyed boy home with me. Taking him to his abuser was wrong, so damn wrong.

I gripped the steering wheel 'til I thought it might snap and my mind raced. What should I do?

Glancing over at Lucas, I found him sitting comfortably in the passenger seat, snuggled up against the window. His attention was on the passing scenery, and despite his calm exterior, I knew he must be terrified.

"Just say the word and I'll turn the car around, Lu. You don't have to go back tonight." Anxiety settled in my chest when the words left my mouth though, because I knew he would say no.

He sighed and shifted around in his seat. "It'd be even worse for me if I didn't come back tonight..."

"For fuck's sake," I grimaced. "How am I supposed to send you home? How in good conscience am I supposed to do that? Explain it to me."

My stress was obvious and so was my impatience.

He reached over and caressed the back of my neck, studying me. Lu's silence was difficult to accept, but I drank in this small affection, eventually reaching up to take his hand.

"I'll be okay..." he murmured; watching my profile.

"That's not an answer." I fired back, so frustrated with myself, so angry that I'd failed to keep track of the fucking time, so livid that I couldn't just stroll into Lucas's house, taze his shitty dad till he pissed himself and then cuff his abusive ass.

I was angry at my helplessness. I was a cop, I was supposed to help people, protect them, yet here I was, useless. Unless Lucas cooperated, there was nothing I could do. He was an adult, he could make his own choices, and I couldn't force him to go home with me. I'd not even begun to consider how I'd explain his presence in my home to Viv and Addie. Viviana would probably try to change the custody agreement or something.

My mind was a mess.

More strained silence followed, and I continued to rack my brain for options. What about his friends? Didn't he have friends?

"Jae?" he finally questioned, brushing his fingertips across the palm of my hand. His touch calmed me some.

I sighed and glanced over, stress-riddled expression and all. "What, Lu?"

He laughed. "You've got jizz all over your shirt."

I looked down at myself and then at him, not sure what to say. I was sending him back into an abusive home, yet there he was, talking about cum stains. Honestly, I'd not even thought about the state of my appearance. Getting Lucas squared away and out the door was the priority then, and I'd just completely forgot. I mean sure it was sticky and wet when my shirt laid against my skin, now that he'd pointed it out, but up until then, it'd been the last thing on my mind.

"Oh... yeah." I acknowledged flatly, feeling around my jacket. I needed nicotine, or my head might pop off from the stress.

Lucas groaned, and shoved my hand aside, fishing his way into my coat pocket and retrieving my cigarettes easily.

"Come on Jae, it's funny!" He lit one up himself, taking a few drags before passing it to me.

I shot him a look, not particularly proud of how comfortable he'd become lighting my cigarettes for me. I really needed to quit that shit.

He stared at me for a second and rolled his eyes. "What daddy, I gotta spell it out for you?" his hand becoming animated as he explained.

"You see, I got your jizz on my shirt earlier and now you got both our jizz on your shirt! We're even now!" He was wearing a cheeky grin and searching my face for any semblance of amusement.

Deflective humor, Lu's specialty. I could only eye him here and there while I drove, not sure what to say. My face probably said it all, though, and his grin melted away.

"It won't always be like this..." he said quietly. "I'm out of there the moment the school year is over, and I've got that diploma. I promise."

Mentally I bit my tongue, hoping my nerves would settle some with the nicotine.

"So, there's really nothing I can say to change your mind, then?" I took heavy, anxious drags off that smoke, but felt no better.

Lucas shook his head.

"Why?" I pressed.

"Because! Because this is the way it is, Jae. I can't just suddenly move in! We've only been on one date; we're just getting to know one another... who's to say it won't end bad, that you won't hate me in the end? Then where would that leave me, then, huh? Groveling to my dad to let me stay with him again. Living out of my car while I finish high school? No, I just can't, Jae... I can't."

My heart ached when he said that. Of all the humans I'd met in my life, Lucas was one I'd never forget, even if he decided I wasn't for him. Throwing away people wasn't in my D.N.A. Lucas was a beautiful person, I could see the goodness in his big heart, with innate value, so much life left to live, and too much love to offer. But he'd been failed miserably in his young life by the very people meant to protect him; treated like trash. I knew there had to be limits to his trust, and this must be one of them. As much as I understood it, it drove me crazy all the same.

I just wanted him safe.

Lucas

Jae's brows knitted together in a frown, and he looked sad.

"... even so, my offer still stands." He said through his cigarette, tendrils of smoke curling around him like serpents of light.

Everything he'd said made me want to cry, and the very idea of Jae taking me home to a safe place made my heart ache in the best way, but how could I accept an offer like that? How could I just take up residence in his home as if it were nothing?

No, not now... I couldn't. Dad was a monster, but he was a predictable one. Even if I got beat tonight, I'd still be able to live there afterwards... I'd still have food.

Jae said nothing after that, and I didn't offer anything either. Truthfully, I was terrified, but didn't wanna show it. Hot tears gathered behind my eyes, and I looked out the window, wishing things could be simpler. My life had never not been complicated.

... ever.

I loved my mom, I loved her so much, but when she was in active addiction, she spent all the money on drugs. Strange men were always in and out of wherever we were living, and I wasn't naive to why they were there. There was one that would beat her, and another would bring me a donut to keep me busy while mom worked. Despite the money she managed to make, there were countless times that I didn't know where or when I'd get my next meal. My mother wasn't herself when she was using.

In foster care, I guess I got fed depending on who I was with. Like, the Petersons were supposed to take care of me, and my foster siblings, but the mom would lock me out of the fridge and pantry when I did something bad. Sometimes I'd go hungry for days, but my siblings would sneak me some of their food when they could. I was there for about a year before someone called CPS on them, and I was sent to a different home.

To say I had insecurities regarding food and money was an understatement.

The hand Jae had extended to me, the help he was willing to offer, it sort of stunned me, yet all the same it was right on character for him the longer I mulled it over. Everything Jae had done with me and for me today, including in his playroom, it was all... evidence to me that I could trust him to an extent. Yet all my past trauma, fear and my anxiety, it wouldn't let me go beyond that.

Everything Jae and I did sexually happened because I wanted it, because we wanted it. He'd taken care of me, made me feel safe... beautiful even. He'd looked after my health too, made sure I got medical care, worried about me like a mother hen in many ways. It'd been a long time since I'd let anyone in like that, let them help me the way I let Jae.

I'd never had a partner like this before. My mind was a hazy, melancholy mess. I was still reeling from our session in all the best ways, but because of my shitty dad, I couldn't just enjoy it and relax. No, instead I was physically and mentally preparing myself to get beat into those godforsaken hardwood floors while Penny watches. 

"Fucking cunt." I muttered, drawing my knees up to my chest.

Jae glanced over, blowing out some smoke. "... 'scuse me?"

I blinked rapidly, realizing I'd said that out loud. "O-oh, no... sorry. Not you, Jae. Just thinking about Penny. She's a cunt."

Jae let out an, "ah..." shoulders relaxing. Maybe he'd thought I was angry at him there for a moment, an easy misunderstanding.

The silence between us after that was so strained I wanted to bang my head against the dash, and I didn't know what to say to Jae.

He broke it, though.

"... I'm not leaving until you tell me you're safe in your room, and if I don't hear from you within five minutes, I'm calling cops out here, Lucas."

I glared, blood pressure skyrocketing. "If you do, I'll never talk to you again Jae Hoffman."

He didn't look at me, but his shoulders tensed up again.

"If that's what you want." he said, jaw set.

My eyes widened and I felt instant anger. He didn't even put up a fight.

"... you heard me, right? I'll hate you Jae, forever. I'll never ever text you ever again and I'll certainly never let you fuck me, and you want to fuck me, so think carefully about this." I snapped, voice rising with every word.

I wasn't above using sex as a bargaining chip; and Jae would fuck me into that fancy mattress if I said the word. He remained silent though and took one last drag off his smoke before tamping it out.

"What, so you're giving me the silent treatment now?" I huffed, waiting for a stern response, a scolding, anything, but none came.

Instead, Jae glanced down at the odometer and continued driving as if I weren't even there, but he had an iron grip on the steering wheel and his knuckles were white. I thought I might've caught a smirk there at the end, but I couldn't be sure, and that infuriated me.

"Fine, ignore me you piece of shit... and just so we're clear, I wish we'd never met." I muttered, kicking at the glovebox angrily.

"Shouldn't have sped, then." Jae murmured under his breath, jaw feathering with frustration, but his expression flashed with near immediate regret.

"Are you for real?" I growled. "Fine, you wanna play it like that? Fuck you, fucking sadistic motherfucker. Fuck. You."

He swallowed hard and said nothing.

A lump formed in my throat, feeling nothing but instant regret. Not just because I didn't really mean it all, but because I was wholly embarrassed too. I was acting like a child, and he knew it. For some reason that made our age difference even more glaring, the maturity he showed somehow pissed me off and goaded me on. Jae slipped up a little with that snarky comment about my speeding, but the regret on his face was obvious. He clearly didn't want to argue.

"Say something!" I snapped, voice rising.

I was only met with silence, then.

I tried so hard to hate him, but Jae wasn't wrong in his desire to protect me; he was doing what felt morally right. Jae was comfortable in his own skin, he knew who he was, what he wanted, and what he believed in. He didn't believe in leading me to my own slaughter, and he'd let this arrangement—this new relationship if I could even call it that—end if that meant keeping me safe.

That should have made me want him more, but for some reason it made me even angrier. Irrational, yeah, but suddenly I wanted to punch his stupid perfect fucking face in.

"Don't fucking ignore me, you prick!" I yelled, hitting his stupid perfect bicep. "So, what. You fucked around with me, got what you wanted, so now you ignore me cause I won't take your stupid offer? Fuck you! You have no idea what my life has been like Jae, so don't you fucking judge me, and don't make fucking decisions for me! Go fuck yourself, old man. I'm done with you."

The tears spilled down my cheeks without warning, and I just couldn't wipe them away fast enough. I fell into hopeless sobs, hugging myself as we sped down the road. I hated that he was witness to my hideous breakdown, and so the anger grew.

The fantasy was over. This was real life, and real life wasn't like those romance stories where it ends happily. No, real life was finding a sliver of happiness with somebody good, and then losing it because I pushed them away.

Real life was my dad's blind rage.

Jae was now learning that I could be a real hot head, not that I let it out often. Only Ian had ever really seen me lose it, and I hated myself for it. Any time I lost my temper I was reminded of my failure of a father, the very man I didn't want to emulate, but healthy coping skills and anger management were not things I'd been consistently privy to growing up.

I choked back more tears, trying to wipe them away as the sun finally disappeared behind the mountains, leaving behind an eerie orange glow against a canvas of grey clouds.
The dark road flew by, along with homes and their glowing lights. I imagined that each contained families inside probably gathering to eat, watch T.V., do homework, relax, normal family stuff... I hated that that wasn't my life.

"Goddamn you!" I yelled. "Mister fucking perfect, mister mature, I fucking hate you!" I kicked the glovebox again and pulled out one of his cigarettes, lighting up in hopes that he'd get mad. He just took a heavy inhale and said nothing though, so like the childish asshole I was, I smoked Jae's cigarettes and cried until my eyes burned and my lungs hurt.

I lost track of time after that. All I felt was regret; praying Jae would say it was ok, that he wouldn't go, that he didn't hate me even though I'd yelled at him and said horrible things. I wasn't religious, but my heart cried out even so. I really did want to know Jae, and I really did want him to be my person. As far as I was concerned, maybe love at first sight really might exist, but if it did, I was sure I'd gone and fucked it all up.

His heavy sigh brought me back to earth, and he killed the engine. "We're here."

I felt the car begin to slow as we pulled into my neighborhood, but as nice and suburban-looking as it was, it was hiding ugliness, like my dad and Penny. My stomach dropped as he pulled to a stop at the same place he'd picked me up earlier, by the mailbox.

He was silent still, and I tilted my head, seething with anger, daring him to speak, but he said nothing.

I sniffled. "So, what, that's it, all you can say is 'we're here'?" My voice mocked him, but the tears betrayed me again. 

Jae grimaced and shook his head, like he was trying to find the right words to say.

"Hah, so cats got your tongue now, huh? Know-it-all Jae Hoffman's got nothing to say? Fucking pathetic." I shouted.

He dropped his head back against the seat and looked up at the ceiling, and his face was sad, it didn't matter what he might have wanted to say then, because I wouldn't have been able to hear it anyways.

My mouth was only full of venom now.

"... thanks for nothing." I hissed, fumbling to unbuckle my seatbelt, and throw the door open. Anger just fell from my lips, I couldn't even stop myself, and I truly wanted it to stop, I needed it to stop, but I just... lost control. It was like I unleashed all the resentment and anger I'd felt towards my dad, towards the people who failed me, on Jae.

I hated myself.

My vision was blurry from crying, and my body felt so unstable and weak, but I scooted out of the passenger seat as proudly as I could. My ass hurt though; I winced when I tried to stand, and that sort of ruined the whole "I've got this" image I was trying to project.

That made me angry too.

"Lucas..." Jae began, and I saw him start to reach out to help, but I shoved him away.

"Fuck off, I don't need you." I huffed, hoisting myself onto the pavement. I grimaced and straightened myself out.

"Lucas, please stop." His voice firm but pleading.

"Leave Jae! Get the fuck out of here! Just go; go and find a new plaything! Go find one that's perfect like your stupid ass." I flipped him off and continued to rattle off spiteful words.

My mouth was full of lies, and my heart protested greatly. It begged me to stop the hurtful slurs I unleashed, but I couldn't, and so my feet carried me away, shame weighing heavily on my shoulders.

I just left and didn't look back. I trudged along the pavement, staring all the while at my dad's stupid nice house. God, that stupid fucking house he'd paid for with his stupid fucking engineering money, from the stupid fucking refinery. The home my mother should've been able to raise me in happy peace, well provided for with a husband who should have loved her and his son with all his heart.

It was the ugliest house on the block to me, and I hoped that someday when I left, it would burn down.

Suddenly, I heard the car door slam shut, and heavy footfalls behind me on the pavement, fast and sure. Before I knew it, Jae darted in front of me, gripping my backpack and coat.
His broad shoulders rose and fell shakily as if he'd wanted to cry, but his expression was so disarming.

I just stared, and he stared back.

"What?" I snapped, stepping backwards as he moved closer, dropping my things on the pavement. "Gonna cuss me out now? Hit me? Have at it, faggot."

He clenched his fists, closing the gap with one large step, and I recoiled, inching backwards, and regretting everything. Why'd I used that word? Why did I resort to a word like that? It made no sense, and I began to seriously consider running. The size difference between us was comical; Jae could've easily put me on the ground if he wanted to.

Jae continued to step closer, and I kept backing up. I'd picked a fight with the wrong guy.

"What are you—" I protested, but he cut me off, and with one final stride, drew me up into the hardest and longest hug I'd had since I said goodbye to mom. His heart pounded loudly, and he held me tight, so tight that I thought he would never let go. I pushed against him and cursed into his chest, but to no avail, he had me trapped.

"Not letting go." he said firmly, burying his face in my neck.

That was all it took for me to fall into tears again, and without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around his waist and let him hold me. The wind whipped at us there in the darkness, the sun finally gone, and the glow of nearby houses shed a subtle light upon us.

I held onto him for dear life, and he did the same.

"You can curse me, you can hate me, you can call me a faggot and throw your tantrums Lucas Price..." he murmured against my forehead. "But I'm not going to let him hurt you again."

"You can't promise that." I cried.

Jae took my face into his hands, drawing my gaze to his. I searched his eyes, struggling to blink through my tears.

"Oh, Lucas..." he murmured, pressing a kiss to my forehead, to each teary cheek, and the tip of my nose. He wiped my tears away with his thumbs, and I caught my breath when his lips drifted to my mouth.

"I can and I will." He said in finality, kissing me with a heated passion I'd never felt before.

It wasn't a kiss I was familiar with, in that... it wasn't just driven by selfish carnal need, by irrationality or desperation. Despite the intensity, it was driven by something else far more gentle, disarming, and devoted. Just like that, he stripped me of my defenses like a strong tide against the sand.

This must be what love feels like.

We drank each other up, right there on the street in front of Mrs. Garrison's house, the lady with the Wisteria plants everywhere, and I thought maybe it was a bad idea that she might see us, but oh well, I was a dead man anyway. Jae scooped me up by my sore ass, marching me right back to the car where he deposited me on the hood.

I squeaked when he dropped me down, planting his arms firmly on either side of me. His hazel eyes found mine and he looked at me with such conviction that I was overwhelmed, so, I looked away, but he quickly caught my face.

"You can't make me hate you with your childish outbursts." he murmured, resting his forehead against mine.

I wiped my eyes and listened in earnest, wishing I could take back the way I'd acted.

He chuckled, gaze softening further. "... and I certainly can't take you seriously when you call me a faggot either."

I grimaced, feeling wholly humiliated. "Yeah... turns out I'm a faggot too, so, that didn't make much sense..."

He smirked.

"Stop it..." I sniffled. "Stop being so nice to me, stop being so normal and levelheaded... it's hard to handle. I was such an asshole to you, I'm so sorry... I'm sorry, Jae. I'm so sorry."

He let out a sigh, and his face was riddled with kindness and empathy. "I know you are."

Then he kissed my neck and whispered into my ear. "If you thought I was always this calm and collected, then you're fooling yourself Lucas. You think I don't know you, and in many ways that's true, because we're just getting to know each other, but eighteen-year-old Jae was an angry kid with daddy issues and a broken heart. I know you."

I sucked in a breath, caught off guard by his honesty yet again. I felt convicted for lashing out, for behaving as if I were the only one with trauma and baggage... Jae didn't wear his problems on his sleeve like I did, but then again, he'd had many more years to deal with it all than me.

"I guess I did think you had it all together..." I murmured, soaking in his affection, the sensation of his other hand caressing my face as he kissed his way back to my mouth.

"As if." He sighed. "I'm sorry for the shitty comment I made about you speeding earlier, that was immature of me."

I shook my head and chuckled. "... I mean, you weren't exactly wrong, though."

He dropped his head and grimaced. "Yeah, maybe, but it was still meant to antagonize and that was wrong of me. I have my faults and issues, Lu, just like anybody else."

"That's good," I smiled tiredly, wrapping my legs around his hips to pull him closer. He looked up and wore a look of slight confusion.

"...otherwise, we wouldn't be compatible. I could never be with someone who was perfect, Jae." I explained, letting my fingertips trace the structure of his gorgeous face.

Jae exhaled in relief, dropping his forehead back against mine. "Naturally."

We stayed like that for a while, and I didn't care then how late I was anymore. If I still had Jae, then everything I thought would still be okay.

"Lucas..." he said, brushing his fingers through my hair.

"Yeah?"

"Please tell me you'll change your mind. Please let me take you home, or at the very least see if you could stay with one of your friends?" His eyes pleaded with me, but despite his insistence I just... couldn't.

"Gotta face my asshole dad at some point..." I shrugged, laughing weakly.

He cursed and shook his head. "Lucas, you don't need to prove anything."

"That's not it." I said with a sigh. "As much as moving in with you would be both a relief and an excitement, it feels daunting all the same. Moving in is a big step. I know you don't mean it like that, I know you mean to just give me a safe place, but due to the sexual nature of this thing we're doing, and... uh, our growing connection at this point, couldn't the lines get blurred? Might it all be too fast?" I babbled, hoping he understood.

He thought for a moment then gave me a resigned, but sad smile. "... yeah, all valid points, and all things I'd already considered myself."

I nudged him and smirked. "See? I can think maturely! Well, sometimes."

Jae shook his head and let out a thoughtful exhale. "Indeed, but it still doesn't leave you with a solid solution; it's not safe for you to live here. I mean, what about a hotel? What if I put you up in one of those for now? Could always do that..."

I blinked rapidly. "... you'd do that?"

Jae rolled his eyes. "I was literally willing to move you into my home, so yeah, I'd pay for you to stay in a hotel or whatever if that's what it takes to keep you safe."

I thought hard, trying to think it all through, yet it still didn't feel right. "But you can't do that forever, hotels are expensive aren't they? Even the cheap ones around here add up after a week. Mom and I stayed in that motel six in town, and it was like eighty dollars a night. That would be five hundred sixty bucks a week Jae."

He shrugged. "I've got a good savings going and a credit card. I'm smart with my money."

I smacked him. "No!"

"Goddamnit, Lu, please just say yes, please." He ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath, and loosened up his shoulders a bit. "You're killing me, pretty boy. Let me help you."

"You've helped me enough." I said, grabbing him by his cum-stained shirt and pulling him in again. "... I want you; I need you, I want to see where this might lead between us, but right now, I need you to just let me go. I got trust issues, okay? That shit doesn't go away overnight, and if I left the one for sure home I have now, then I'd never be able to come back, and where would that leave me if everything went wrong between us? You must understand, Jae."

"...it'd leave you at my house." He huffed, closing his eyes as if to calm himself. "... I'd never let you end up on the street because your dad turned you out, Lucas."

I looked him over. "Then keep being you, keep showing me I can trust you, and then maybe we'll talk."

Jae brushed his fingers through my hair and nodded reluctantly. "That I can do, but I still hate this idea of you going in that place, and I'm not going anywhere till I hear from you. I want texts and proof via facetime you're alright."

I tugged him down to me pressed a kiss to mouth. "... fine by me, daddy."

Jae narrowed his eyes. "I will come knocking on that door if I don't hear from you, Lucas Price." 

For some reason my heart swelled then because it felt like maybe knights in shining armor did still exist, and maybe, just maybe I'd found the Arthur to my Merlin. But like so many of the things that'd gone wrong in my life, I always worried about that which seemed too good to be true.

Jae was too good and too normal to be true, and I was so afraid of that changing. 

"...I'll be fine." I insisted, letting my hand wander down to give his cock a squeeze. "But I'd be more than fine if you let me blow you out here in front of the neighbor's house before I bounce. Mrs. Garrison might like a little show."

Jae groaned and flicked my forehead. "Being watched is fun, but not in this context you little nympho. Now, either carry out your bad idea and go inside, or I'm going to lose my patience, toss you in the car, and take you back my place. Your choice."

I put my hands up in mock surrender and grinned. He just shook his head and started to complain, but I silenced him with a hard, heavy kiss. Jae moaned into my mouth, tugging at my hair firmly until I whimpered with discomfort. We tasted one another one last time; a kiss I was more than regretful to end, but I needed one last hit. Jae was better than any drug, I was sure of this.

Finally we managed to stop ourselves, and I shoved him off me playfully, slipping myself off the hood of his Audi. "I'm going now, see?"

He caught his breath and adjusted himself, a noticeable bulge in his jeans again. "Mmhmm, I see it."

I chuckled and started walking, pausing to collect my backpack and hoodie off the pavement where Jae had left it, then kept moving forward on wobbly legs.

"... still hate it." he complained, stalking behind me with his hands in his pockets.

"You're really gonna follow me?" I said over my shoulder.

Jae gave me an exasperated sigh. "Yep, and don't fucking forget to text me, we got things to discuss, assuming I don't have to rescue you in the next ten minutes."

I turned to him and smiled, walking backwards as we neared the driveway. "... thank you for caring, Jae."

He let out a breath and nodded. "Don't need to thank me..."

"Yeah, I do." I said, watching him on and off as I made my way up the driveway. He watched me intently the entire time, and it was like he'd gone from Jae-mode to cop-anticipating-trouble-mode. I couldn't blame him.

When I reached the steps to the house I turned to see him one last time.

"Hey, you!" I whispered loudly.

He raised a brow in question and shrugged.

With a grin, I outstretched my arms. "Picture me hugging you!"

That got a smile out of him. His eyes were still saturated with concern, but he chuckled and shook his head, air-hugging me back.

"I'll be seeing you then, pretty boy." He echoed.

I nodded and waved my phone at him before spinning around to climb the last few steps to the door. It was like darkness loomed from inside, but this was the choice I had made, and I would stand by it. My heart pounded as I fumbled to unlock the deadbolt, feeling this horrible place served as nothing more than a horrible representation of my past.

But you know what?

My soul held renewed hope that maybe, just maybe the man standing behind me could be my future. Like Mehmed the Conqueror and Alexander the Great, I had what felt like an impossible battle to win. Sure, it wasn't the impenetrable walls of Constantinople to bring down, or the entire Persian army at my heels, but I would face these bastards inside, one way or another.

The deadbolt clicked, and so with my heart in my throat and my new protector lying in wait outside, I pushed the door and stepped over the threshold.