Ghost Shorts | Fem!Reader

MINI | IF YOU ONLY KNEW YOURSELF LOVE

You fiddled with the cuffs of your jumper, arms folded but unable to stop fidgeting. One foot foot shaking to hide the trembling.

Why were these stupid chairs so comfortable?

But, of course, a therapist had to have comfortable chairs didn't they? You felt yourself sinking into it, wishing the material to just wrap you up like a mothers hug and never let go.

Today was the day. After two long years of sitting in this chair once a week, today was the day you had prepared for. Time to talk about the conversation which ruined everything. The last conversation with Ghos— Simon. With Simon Riley.

Could you remember happiness? Yes. You felt happy clasping a hot coffee in a cozy corner with your friends, you felt happy cooking your favourite meals, you felt happy... you felt happy...

"What would you do?"

He cleared his throat as the two of you sat against a wall waiting for evac. Friends. The best of friends. You loved him, but you weren't in love with him. Chocolate eyes providing emotional escape, unconditional comfort and steadfast support and he promised it was forever.

"What do you mean?"

"What would you do if you could change something? If you really know yourself what would you do?"

You had never been good at introspection, he was, even if he pretended not to be. Any question from him was like an iceberg, didn't appear much but it ran miles deep.

"I guess I would... I don't know..."

You paused as he closed his hands over yours, gloveless and dirty. A smile grew across your face, tears welling in your eyes making him blurry. No, no, you needed to see him right now. To really see him.

What would you choose?

Would you hold your childhood pet one last time?

Would you smell your grandmothers perfume as she hugged you?

Would you want your hair brushed and braided for school on a hot summers day?

A bedtime story read to you?

Seeing your cuddly toy as it was when you were little?

Finally being understood by your family?

The ability to forgive yourself?

A home cooked meal?

"I love you" from your father?

What about a letter from a friend who you would never see again?

To remember everything?

Play toys with your siblings once more?

Have your mother tend to a grazed knee?

Feel loved?

"I would choose... I would choose happiness. To feel happy you know? Proper childhood happiness..."

You looked at him, he looked at the sky. The hands clasping yours tightened. Then his gaze fell back upon you.

He cleared his throat again, some blood came out of his mouth.

"I would choose for my father to live the life in which he was truly happy and for me to never exist..."

And his hands let you go.