Superficial (DE)

Thirty-nine.

Cerise breathed heavily, her mouth watering aggressively and her jaw ajar, saliva dripping from her mouth into the toilet as she tried to catch her breath. She furrowed her brows, her eyes watery from throwing up so hard. Cerise fought the urge to throw up again, mentally coaching herself and trying to control her breathing but the pungent sour scent of throw up emitting from the toilet made her stomach churn violently.

She braced her hands on her knees, hunched over the toilet in the restroom of her Pilates class, hurling. Cerise gasped for air, dry heaving, feeling as if she were going to die if she didn't get a good breath of air in. Her stomach was empty and her throat burned as she stood up, sniffling and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

Cerise extended a shaky hand, flushing the toilet before emerging from the stall. The door creaked as she pushed it open. Thank goodness no one was in the bathroom to hear her practically regurgitate her soul, but everyone had saw her abruptly run off the studio floor. Cerise turned on the sink, cupping water with her hands to rinse out her mouth. She stared at herself in the mirror, her nose red and lashes clumped with tears.

Cerise didn't normally eat before working out because it made her full and sluggish. She thought she pushed herself too hard in class this morning, maybe drank too much water too quickly. Cerise stepped back from the mirror, turning side ways and looking at her physique in the mirror, her stomach flat and toned. She wore a pink athletic set that hugged her slim, curvy body snuggly. Her brown hair was wrapped into a low bun and atop her head sat her pink AirPod maxs.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror, pulling down the waist band of her leggings to look at her stomach more, trying to do away with her anxious thinking but she couldn't. Cerise hardly ever threw up, not even drunk but she felt sick to her stomach today and not in a food poisoning kind of way.

The bathroom door opened and she quickly released the waist band of her leggings, clearing her throat as she pretended to check her appearance in the mirror. As soon as the woman went into a stall and closed the door, Cerise grabbed her bag and made a bee line out of the studio.

She was greeted by the warm May air as she pushed through the studio doors, her heart threatening to beat out of her chest as she began to head back towards her condo building but not before stopping at a drug store on the way. Cerise kept her Birkin tucked tightly under her arm as she scanned the isles for women's care. She kept her head down as if everyone in the store was staring at her and everyone in the store knew what she was about to buy because that's how it felt.

Cerise had never bought a pregnancy test herself before. She'd only ever taken one once, but something inside her was telling her to take another one right now. Cerise didn't feel like herself. She felt different, like a feeling she'd never felt before. Cerise stopped before all the pregnancy tests quickly growing overwhelmed by all the different options.

She grabbed two kinds, the ones with the lines and the ones that read pregnant or not pregnant, taking them up to the register. Cerise avoided eye contact with the cashier, tapping her fathers Amex on the card reader and collecting the bag. She crumpled the receipt in her hand, tossing it on the way out.

It took her ten minutes to walk home, the longest ten minutes of her life as her mind raced faster than her feet. She went straight up to her condo, ignoring the doorman on the way in. GiGi greeted Cerise at the door but Cerise paid her no mind either as there was only one thing on her mind, taking these tests. She didn't care about anything else.

Cerise tossed her purse, phone and keys onto the bed as she passed through her bedroom in a hurry, into the bathroom and closed the door on GiGi. Cerise took a shaky breath in as she opened all four of the tests first, yanking her leggings down next. She sat on the toilet and peed on all of them because she couldn't wait until she had to pee again to take more. Cerise needed answers now.