Domino Effect

Jemila

Syracuse, NY

"... I'm a slave for you

I cannot hold it, I cannot control itI'm a slave for youI won't deny it, I'm not trying to hide it
... Baby, don't you wanna dance upon me? (I just wanna dance next to you)To another time and placeOh, baby, don't you wanna dance up on me? (Are you ready?)Leave behind my name and age (let's go)"

The Britney Spears' song plays in the background as I get ready for my performance. I am already wearing my outfit, a two-piece red number that covers enough to make a man's imagination run wild. The top closes at the front, where I tied into a simple bow, which will come off by the end of the night. My bottom piece is wrapped around me like a skirt, held together by a velcro piece that makes it easy to rip off at the right moment. Underneath it all, I am wearing a red thong and red tassels over my nipples to match. My heels are all black with red on the bottom. Today's wig will be red as well. It might seem like overkill, but the men seem to love red the most, especially this very wig. 

Now that I am fully dressed, with my wig in place, I am now ready to become Pearl River for the night. Every dancer has a stage name, especially in places like Double D's on Maiden Road, so I took advantage and created my own persona to protect my identity as a student. What started off as a way to make money, to pay both my tuition bill and half the finances for my apartment with my roommate, soon turned into fun way to express myself. 

Being on stage is fun to me. I am Pearl River here. I chose that name as a play on worlds. Pearl represents a part of the female anatomy and is something precious found in water. People wear pearls around their neck, which is another sexual innuendo. A river is something that is fresh and flows freely. I like the idea that I can move like a river can, fluid and free. Every night, when they introduce me, they introduce Pearl River, but they don't stop there. Pearl River only performs as herself once a week, so most nights I take on a different character. Tonight, my character is  Chocolate Jessica Rabbit. 

The two-piece outfit has the same sparkle that you see her wear in the movie. It's sexy and so is the song. The song is short and sweet, which is why I am performing twice tonight. This performance will be like a little teaser for my boys; get them all hot and ready. Then, I will perform again using the Beyonce song, Dance for you, where I will choose a lucky guy to dance on. 

Later that night:

"See you tomorrow, Pearl. You did your damn thing girl!" Coco smiles and waves at me as I start to head out for the night. I love me some Coco. She is so pretty to me and the nicest one there. She wears her hair bald, which looks perfect and sexy on her, and makes her look even more like a model. Especially since she is tall with long legs and thin frame. She is graceful and is a beast on the pole. 

"Thanks boo. You looked beautiful tonight as always!" I blow her a kiss and toss a smile at Ricky, one of our bouncers, before I walk out the door.  I take a look around before walking over to my car. We have a private area for the dancers to park, away from the customers, but that doesn't make it completely inaccessible. I always worry about stalkers or something like that. 

My wig is off, so I am wearing my natural hair that I keep braided, and all my makeup has been taken off as well. Even though I look a lot less like Pearl River, and more like me, it doesn't mean that I would be unrecognizable to anyone that is paying close enough attention. 

I hurry towards my Honda CR-V, unlocking it with the key fob, and lock it quickly once I get inside. I start the car and start driving towards home. I live about twelve minutes away, which technically is  around the corner from SU, the university I attend. Sometimes, I worry that some of the students there will come watch me and figure it out. Yet, it is worth the risk to me. 

I hate the stigma associated with dancers/strippers. What I do for money does not mean I am a hoe or that I sleep around for cash. As someone who grew up in a foster home, where I was seen as nothing more than a paycheck, I long since cared what people thought about me though. All that matters in this world is me. I can't depend on anyone else but myself, and that's cool. 

In fact, I don't care whether the attention I receive is negative or positive. I won't deny that I do not soak up the male attention I receive when dancing, or even the praise I get for every good grade or correct answer given in my class. I learned recently that I am starving for attention--good or bad. I suppose that is why I am studying psychology now. It fascinates me, the human mind, that is. I also study creative writing, hoping that one day I will write something that will put me on that map. 

I want to be famous. I always wanted to be a singer or something, but I don't really have the voice or talent for it. I do, however, have a talent for writing poetry and short stories. My psychology teacher told us once that the greatest artists are those who suffered when they were younger. 

I think she was onto something. Lord knows I did suffer. That's why I know what I am capable of. Nothing and no one will stop me from achieving my goals. I won't set out to hurt anybody, but if they get in my way? Let's just say that they won't see me coming. How could they? They don't even know me, shit I don't even know my real last name. Technically, by law, my full name is Jemila Brown. It is a common last name given to foster kids. My foster parents didn't want me taking on their last name, so that is what the court appointed for me. It's type racist if you ask me. Brown? Why, because my skin is brown? I don't know. It don't matter. 

I never knew my birth parents, but Jemila apparently is the only thing my mom left me with before giving me up for adoption. I don't know if she is alive or dead, but I admit that I kind of like my name. When I get big, I will simply go by 'Jem' and that's it. Not my full name and damn sure won't claim any last name. I'll be like a black Cher or something. 

So, even though I don't really want anyone to recognize me as a dancer [yet] while I am student, I am mentally prepared for the possibility. It won't devastate me. No one can hurt me. I'm untouchable. They can say what they want about me, as long as it doesn't touch my money, then what is the worse that can happen?

I walk up the steps, finding my keys, and end up hearing Ashley and her company before I even open the door. Hmm. I wonder who she got over this time? The last guy spent the whole time staring at my ass right after piping her down. Ashley is a typical white girl from the suburbs, so I used to think that she will only deal with white dudes, but Ashley surprised me. I won't call her a hoe or anything, but she likes to get some new dick every weekend, and she does not discriminate. 

I don't mind and cool with all that, but it gets weird when dudes like the last guy makes it obvious that they would like to take a test drive. I'm not into white guys myself, but that is besides the point. Some of the guys she brings home are black, one was Chinese, a few Latinos, and so on. She is my roommate so I adhere to girl code, but not because she is a friend deserving of loyalty, because she is not. Let's be clear about that. I tolerate the girl. She pays her half of the bills so I'm cool with her for that fact alone. Whatever else is not my business. I won't entertain her booty calls, even when one was especially cute to me, simply because I don't need to risk her not paying due to hurt feelings or whatever it is girls feel about these kind of things.

For me. . . sex is sex. If you not my man, then I don't give a damn. At least, that's how I usually feel. Everything changes when I swear I hear my foster brother's voice.