Those Days of Summer

12 - Last night of the world

Last night of the world

Those last few days I felt as if he was slipping out of my fingers. There were short moments of silence between us. We didn't dare to take a peek into the future, yet we were well aware our clocks were ticking.

There were questions none of us dared to ask, promises we couldn't pledge, matters we preferred to leave undiscussed. As if not bringing them up could dissolve them. But a confrontation must have come at last.

After our last day of work, mom hosted a little goodbye party. Pleasant evening air, chatter by the candlelight and the smell of fresh lilies - we were ending our summer journey just the way it had begun.

The evening was flowing smoothly, embellished with words of kindness and recognition. Even Marcel gave a little thank-you speech before gifting mom an old vinyl and a bottle of chianti we had picked in town the other day. Using a moment of turmoil afterwards, the two of us decided to sneak out of the banquet.

Taking a shortcut from the backyard, we followed the steep gravel path towards the lake. A warm breeze of a hot day bygone was brushing our hair when we were muddling through the grass. Hand in hand, arm to arm we took a seat on the stones by the bank.

I recalled the night of the birthday party, and the moment I asked him not to move out. If only I could repeat the request now and postpone his disappearance just a little. As if a few more days could ever be enough…

“So…” I sighed. “It's almost over.”

He squeezed my hand, looking in the distance. His expression was calm on the surface, but I could see there was sadness building within.

“Your mom invited me to Milan. She wants me to open the show in September.”

“This is brilliant!” I gasped, feeling my heart speed up.

So there was a thin chance we'd see each other again in a not so distant future. I felt a sudden hit of happiness followed by a pinch of concern. There were still two months before fashion week. Two long months, that might be enough to part our ways for good.

“I told her I had to think it through.” He finally looked me in the eye. “Tell me - what do you think of it?”

So he wasn't sure about us either... It was his work on the line. In the end it had nothing to do with my feelings. My mind suddenly started to question the idea. What if he doesn't want me anymore in September? What if he still does? What if someone discovers our affair? Everybody talks in Milano. They may find us inappropriate. He was my mother's employee after all. No. It didn't matter now.

“You have to take it!” I assured him firmly.

I couldn't keep him close forever, but I was too selfish not to take a chance to have him near me once again. And the lengthy, lonely summer between our encounters couldn't change a thing. He nodded with a mild smile. Was he relieved? He brushed my hair, kissed my forehead, embraced me with a deep sigh.

“And what will we do with this night, huh? Last night of the world...”

Last night of his warmth beside me, last night of his scent staining my linens with citron and salt, last night of my name streaming down his tongue like a sacred blessing. And what comes after? The silence of an empty room, the void of an empty bed, the torment of a worried mind.

“What is it?” He touched my chin, noticing the sorrow flickering through my face.

“Aren't you scared of what comes next?” I whispered.

“Look, I loved every second of my stay here. If I have to pay for it, I will. Gladly.”

His trusting eyes changed once more, as if he remembered something. Now he was watching me worried, so I raised my eyebrows questioningly.