Sword and Spice (Askeladd x OC)(Vinland Saga)

9. (May 1002) Numb

I left Thorfinn behind.

I left him behind.

I left...

...left him...

I was a terrible, cruel person. Thorfinn needed me. He cried when I left.

He cried.

And I just...left him.

My grip clenched around Thorfinn's fragile shoulders, his soulful brown eyes locking onto mine, brimming with tears on the verge of spilling over. "Thorfinn, I beg of you," my plea echoed, desperation lacing my voice as my knees dug into the ground below me. "Come with me, please."

"You're leaving?" His words pierced the heavy air, laden with disbelief and hurt.

"I have to. My family..." I trailed off, unable to meet his gaze, battling to suppress the tears welling within me. "They're in trouble. I need to go to them. But," my eyes sought Thorfinn's once more, my grip on his shoulders tightening, "you need to come with me."

His own eyes hardened and he tried to shrug my hands off his shoulders. I wouldn't let him. "I'm not going with you. I'm staying here. Go. Just...go!" His little hands clenched at his sides, his voice rising. Around us the pirates snickered as they got off their ships to set up camp for the night, but we paid them no mind, or we just didn't hear them in the heat of the moment.

"I won't abandon you!" My expression hardened, the weight of the inevitable decision I was going to force on him settling on my shoulders. He would despise me for this. "You're coming with me, even if--"

He lunged, knife flashing, slicing through the fabric of my gambeson. It didn't draw blood, but the shock was enough for me to release him. Stepping back, he clenched his father's knife in both of his hands, aiming it directly at me with trembling hands.

The pirates suddenly jeered, encouraging Thorfinn to fight me, yet I remained rooted to the ground, fingers digging into the fabric at my knees. "Thorfinn, please, don't make this harder--"

"If you come any closer, I swear I'll kill you!" His voice pierced the chaos, wild and desperate, eyes ablaze with both fear and fury. I realized the approach I took was a mistake. "I-I'll do it, I swear!"

He wouldn't. Because he was a warrior and he wouldn't kill me as I was unarmed. It was all a show.

With a heavy heart, I rose, determination hardening within me. I wanted to force him to come with me...

I approached him, each step echoing the tumult within. As my hand reached out, he lashed out with his dagger, slicing through my palm. Crimson rivulets traced the contours of my left hand, yet I persisted.

I enveloped Thorfinn's in my embrace and welcomed the sting of the dagger piercing my chest. Defiance surged within me, disregarding the vulnerability laid bare before these pirates. Their presence faded into insignificance; my focus was on Thorfinn alone.

"Mark my words, Thorfinn," I rasped, the blade pressing deeper into my right breast, over my heart. "I shall return for you. I swear it."

His tears flowed freely, and I allowed them their release. And with the curtain drawing on our shared anguish, I departed, leaving Thorfinn in the hands of the merciless pirates.

It spanned a full week before I arrived in Ireland, each day feeling like an eternity. Dublin, a Norse settlement, marked my initial destination. From there I sought out a trader willing to journey towards my family's estate. However, my appeal was met with initial reluctance; my decision to discard my cloak and mask likely played a role, as the prospect of aiding a woman in distress was not commonly embraced by men of the time.