Strawberry Red

Chapter 1 Ruby

Early 1943

For the first time in five years, she was back in London. She was back in her home country. But she didn't feel safe. She didn't feel like she belonged. Truthfully, she felt like an imposter, a bug which wasn't supposed to be around. She felt like a liar sitting in the SOE office waiting for agent Smith. All she had done the past four years was lie to people. She was a liar. She hadn't meant a single word since she left her mother's house. She had become this person who wasn't her.

Her name, her personality and her looks changed to adapt to the cruel and unforgiving world of being a spy. She had changed so drastically when she started to work at the Charité. The first night at the Charité she couldn't sleep. She wasn't herself anymore. She turned into someone else the minute she stepped foot into the hospital. Sure, it was to survive but she hadn't liked the change back then and she didn't like it now. Nobody warned her about the loud thoughts inside her head. The thoughts were overpowering her when she was alone. All the thoughts led to one conclusion, she didn't like herself, no she hated herself for what she had become.

In those four years of being a spy she bounced from place to place. Never settling down, never feeling safe. She was in a constant state of flight. Whenever someone touched her, she wanted to scream and run. Whenever someone spoke to her, she wanted to be mute, unable to answer so she wouldn't have to lie. Whenever she thought of her family, she felt like a huge disappointment. Often, she felt dirty and guilty for what had happened. She felt dirty. She still felt the hands of many men on her body. She felt hands touching her when all she wanted was for them to stop. The guilt almost overpowered the dirty feeling. She felt incredibly guilty for poisoning them. Every time she poisoned a man, she ran and changed her name, personality and looks. There wasn't one name in the world she hadn't had. One day she was Emma, the next she was Lisa. Because of her rapid changes of identities, she was never able to keep friends. Sometimes she began to like someone but then in the next second she had to run again.

"Ruby, please step inside," said the assistant.

She was always running. She became quite good at running and lying. If there was a medal for being the best at running and lying, she would definitely win it. She became the master of running and lying.

"Ruby, please step inside," repeated the assistant and tapped with her pen on the clipboard.

At times she would wonder if all her running and lying was worth it. Were her father and brothers alive? Did her information help the Brits? Had she contributed to any changes in the war? Her goal always was to help the Brits and change the outcome of the war.

"Ruby, please." The woman tapped gently on her shoulder. Ruby sprung up from her seat and pulled out her gun from under her jacket. In seconds she was ready to shoot anyone who dared to hurt her.

"Miss Davies if you'd stop pointing a gun at my assistant and come inside my office, that'd be great." Agent Smith was standing in the doorway to his office. He had a frown on his face. Ruby slowly put her gun away and walked into the office.

"Sorry about that," she mumbled. She took a seat facing agent Smith.

"I'm going to need to collect your gun. I can't have you pointing it at people around here," explained the man. Hesitantly, Ruby pulled out the gun and unloaded it. She handed it over and leaned back in her seat.

"You've aborted your last mission. Why? You've never bailed out. Why now?" Agent Smith lit his cigarette and inhaled.

"Couldn't do it anymore," answered Ruby quietly. Her fingers were playing with the soft fabric of her floor-length skirt.

"I have a feeling you're hiding something." Smith exhaled. His gaze pierced through her soul. In comparison to the few Nazi interrogations, she had to endure, this was nothing. Smith didn't scare her.

"I'm telling the truth." Ruby stared back at him. Lies more lies.

"Fine." He leaned forward. "What do you want to do now? We've got a couple of spies leaving for Paris in a week. I hear you're also fluent in French. You'd be a natural."

"No, thank you." Ruby looked out of the window. She saw right down onto the busy streets of London. The shops were about to close. Many people rushed from shop to shop to get everything they needed.

"Why not?"

"Don't want to do it anymore," mumbled Ruby again whilst focusing on a family walking on the street.

"This isn't you. The Ruby I know would never say no to a mission," raised Smith his concerns. "You know, there's an institute which helps soldiers get back on track. We sometimes send our spies there."

"There's nothing wrong with me," snapped Ruby. She glared at him.

"Alright then. Here you go, all your documents are in this folder." Smith handed her a thick folder. The SOE had printed and filed every single report she had made in the past four years and put in in the folder with her personal papers. "You're dismissed."

"No, I want to help." Ruby's gaze softened. "Can't I help around here?"

"I'll watch out for something you could do, okay? I'll get back to you soon." Smith stood up and shook her hand. "It was nice meeting you."

"Likewise." Ruby walked past the assistant and basically raced down the stairs and out of the building. Her grandfather was waiting on the pavement leaning against his car. When he saw Ruby, he went around the car and opened the door for her. She climbed inside and fastened her seatbelt. He started the car and they drove in silence back to her grandparents' place. A delicious smell greeted them as they entered the house. Despite the rationing her grandmother always managed to create mouth-watering meals.

"Come have a seat, Strawberry," said her grandmother with a loving undertone in her voice. Ruby thanked her and sat down. "Your father is coming to collect you tomorrow morning. He called while you were gone."

"Do I have to go with him? I like living here," stated Ruby and accepted the plate of food which her grandmother had put together for her.

"I know, Strawberry. Your father is missing you. He wants you to live with him and your brother." Her grandmother carefully reached for Ruby's hand. It took every cell in Ruby's body not to pull it back. She felt her grandmother's soft touch and let out a breath.

"He didn't want me five years ago. He made that very clear." Ruby poked around in her food.

"No, that's not true. It was a difficult situation for all of you," said her grandfather and began eating.

"I'm not hungry. May I please be excused?" asked Ruby.

"Sure, Strawberry." Her grandmother weakly smiled at her. Ruby stood up and went to the guest room where she has been staying for the past week. It was a rather strange feeling. When she was younger, she used to stay in this very room every other weekend. She loved spending time with her grandparents. But now she felt nothing.

The next morning, she stood outside waiting for her father to arrive. She was holding onto the folder as if it was her lifeline. She hadn't taken anything with her when she left Berlin. The only things she possessed were the clothes she was currently wearing. Technically not even the clothes were hers. When she arrived on her grandparents' doorstep, she was wearing filthy and shredded clothes. So, her grandmother gave her one of her old dresses to wear. It wasn't exactly her style, but it functioned which was all Ruby cared about.

"I'm sorry about being late," was the first thing she heard from her father in years. Here he was standing in front of her with a worried expression on his face.

"It's fine." Ruby marched over to the passenger side and got in the car without another word.

"Well, then. Let's go home," announced her father. Ruby leaned against the window and let her head rest. It was going to be a very long car ride.

A/N: Please leave a comment and tell me how you like the story so far :) What do you think of Ruby? And what are some things you'd like to know about her or her family?