Pretty When You Cry ୨୧ Rafe Cameron

fourteen

In the morning, waking up in Rafe's bed, she felt the remnants of the night before. The way she shook and sweated in her sleep. She was broken into tiny pieces of herself, what remained was unclear. She despised whatever that was.

The feeling of withdrawal was scary, she felt like she was loosing her mind. Her heartbeat was irregular, coming and going as it pleased. Her head pounded. She had to throw up.

She ran to the garbage can in the corner of Rafe's room and put her face down in it, puking up mostly water and probably some of the drug.

Rafe woke up to see her doing this. On her knees, in the same clothes from last night, shivering. He knew that feeling, he felt a small portion of it right now, but nothing could compare to that first time.

She finished vomiting and looked up at him, coming back over to sit on the edge of the bed. Her whole body ached.

'Good morning,' Rafe said, not knowing what else to say.

'Nothing good about it,' Isla quaked. Her eyes were still puffy from crying the night before, sweat was dripping down her forehead.

'You'll feel better in a bit. It's a good thing you threw up. Gotta get it out of your system,' Rafe explained.

She felt like the stuff was rotting her from the inside out. She didn't even know what to call it, she didn't know exactly what it was. She assumed it was cocaine though.

'I'm a terrible person,' Isla sniffled.

'You're not a terrible person Isla, you just didn't follow your heart. You tried to want somebody you didn't want. Then you looked for what was missing in me,' Rafa elaborated. Isla was surprised he was emotionally aware enough to understand that. Maybe he just was better as understanding others than himself.

The problem was, the only problem with JJ was that he wasn't Rafe. There was no passion, not like her and Rafe. There was no real want. She didn't crave JJ, and he didn't crave her. It was just steady. Steady wasn't enough.

'I feel like I'm gonna lose myself to this shit,' Isla said, referring to the substances she used far too generously. 'It's like, I'm not addicted to it. I swear to god. But when I need something, it's the first place I go.'

'I know you don't want me to compare you to me, but me too,' Rafe answered.

'I'm even worse of a person than you are,' Isla started, 'you betrayed people you barely know, I betrayed a guy who was in love with me. And every friend I have.'

'You've got a friend in me Isla. Hope you know that.'

'I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know where to go, I can't stay here. Your dad will try and kill me like he did my brother.'

'Not with me around. I wouldn't let him touch you,' Rafe answered without question.

'Rafe, I'm the only person who knows about him killing my dad other than my brother and the Pogues. He wants us all out of the way,' she explained.

Rafe didn't like his family name being disgraced. The Cameron's were supposed to be this noble family. Now his dad was a murderer, he was a junkie, and his sister was a Pogue.

'Fine, so what do you suppose we do huh?' Rafe asked.

'I never said you had to do anything. It's not fair to expect you to take care of me because I fucked up. You just live your life like it never happened.'

'I- no. That's not happening.'

'Why involve yourself, Rafe? You hate me, doesn't matter if you wanna kiss me or not.'