relish me

↳ 02. such an eavesdropper

I STARE AT his seat as I rub my feet in small circles on the school floor. It's not often I get to see Ashton or for him to see me. He's always done his own thing in his own space.

So for me to have met him this morning and for him to even be in school-let alone class, is a pretty big thing.

I can still feel the sparkling sensations in my chest from having seen him this morning.

My eyes stay glued to his back, even from this far away I can still make out how broad they are. My heart throbs at the sight.

Ashton seems to be in his own space doing his own thing as his face is facing outwards to the window.

There isn't the smallest hint that he's actually listening to the teacher.

His body is slumped back, his head tilted to the side and though he's got a pencil between his fingers; he isn't using it at all.

Instead he's spinning it as he passes it between one finger to the other. He brought his backpack with him which is a pretty big feat for him.

But only he can manage making having his backpack with him look so casual. Having it add to his feeling of "nonchalant". I hold in my breath.

It isn't often I get to see Asher here in school. And with the way our seats are placed it becomes real easy for me to watch him like this.

While his seat is at the front, right next to the window. Mine is further back, diagonal to his, one row away from the classroom's door.

Whenever I get an opportunity like this, one where Asher for whatever reason has decided he actually cares enough to be in class-I always stare.

He won't notice. Nor will he see.

Just the sight of him sends butterflies through my stomach, to my heart.

My chest tightens to the point it feels like someone has somehow managed to reach into my chest and grab my lungs with their hands.

The staring at him like this makes me anxiously-nervous. He won't look at me. He won't turn around. He won't see me.

Those thoughts hold a lot of power over me. Just as they calm me, they simultaneously manage to hurt me. To the point my heart feels as if it's weeping.

➷➷➷

I rush down the stairs, my steps slipping as I do.

I'd been sleeping upstairs. It's just something I do.

The fourth floor is one no one ever goes to. Which makes it the perfect place for me. Though I like my home and my siblings the place can be a bit too much for me.

I like to just stay in school for a while longer. Just sit up there, close my eyes, breathe, and let the distant sun rays tickle my closed eyelids.

The school day had been just like all my other ones. The unnoticed "good girl" with not a single friend to talk to. Added with the mess that was this morning, I really needed my fourth floor resting.

I remember the alleyway incident. And my heart skips a beat.

That had been the upside with today. I want to treasure this memory-of getting to be with Asher. Even if it was only for a minute.

I heave as I rush down the stairs.

Unfortunately for me I ended up losing track of time and fell asleep for nearly two hours up there. So I don't have much time to wander across memory lane.