'°☆ tied to the thread •°

IV

The days following this incident, Adriana spent lots of time at Lupin's. He tried to gain her trust, so she’d open up to him, but they didn’t get any further than they got the very first time. Regardless of that, Lupin was convinced that they were making progress, because Adriana showed up for mealtimes, ate at least a few mouthfuls every time and the professor couldn’t discover any new scars on her wrist. Little did he know that her thighs served as new victims for her blade. Dumbledore thought it for the best if every teacher were informed about Adriana’s circumstances, so it was no surprise they tended to check on her a little more often. Adriana noticed this change in behaviour of her teachers; of course she had already previously been well liked thanks to her marvellous academic performance, but all of a sudden they seemed to treat her a little like a hurt animal. She despised this strongly and it made her grow even more hesitant to open up to anyone.

The welcoming warmth of April didn’t lift Adrianas spirits. If anything, it worsened her mood. It was frustrating for her to see the other students sit at the lake in short sleeves, laughing and chattering away with seemingly no worry in the world. While they enjoyed the bright and sunny weather outside, she was already preoccupied with preparations for the annual exams, despite there still being more than a month before their start. The girl drove herself crazy over them. What if she’d forget an ingredient of a potion? What if she did a wrong flick with her wand in Charms? What if she confused two dates in History of Magic? Adriana returned to spending all her freetime behind school books, revising over and over again. She avoided speaking to Luna, who obviously noticed things were worsening once more. She hid in the library during mealtimes and the amount of scars on her thighs grew with each passing day.

One time after Transfiguration, McGonagall made Adriana stay after class.
“I’d like to discuss a matter with you, Miss Jones.”, she told her and waited for the classroom to empty out.
“Please, take a seat.”, the witch with the pointed hat on her head gestured towards a chair she had moved in front of her desk.
The girl sat down nervously in anticipation of the words that were about to follow.
“Well then, Adriana.”, McGonagall initiated.
Adriana was surprised about the sudden change in her tone and demeanour. The second they were alone, the woman's voice sounded much softer and she appeared a lot less intimidating. When she looked at her face, she found the corners of her mouth pulled upwards. A smile from McGonagall was a rare occurrence; It threw her off.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m okay, thank you.”, Adriana replied warily.
“Did something particular happen recently?”
“No, I’m okay.”, she repeated, “What gives you the impression?”
“You surely know that we professors have been informed about the… circumstances regarding your wellbeing.”, the woman said with a stern gaze that Adriana tried to avoid meeting, “I noticed that lately you’ve been looking rather unwell; both physically and mentally. As though something were bothering you.”
Adriana shook her head.
“No, my appearance must be deceiving you.”, she forced a smile, “Everything’s alright. I feel better than ever.”
McGonagall opened her mouth to say something, but Adriana stood up and was already headed towards the door.
“Thank you for your concern, professor, but I can assure you I’m okay. I’ll be going now. Thank you.”
The girl stormed out of the door and didn’t even attempt to give the witch a chance to reply.

Later that day, Adriana was hiding from dinner in the library as she did every day. Her books and notes were scattered all across the table she was sitting at. She desperately tried to focus on her work, but the words blurred in front of her eyes and her mind kept wandering. She sighed frustratedly. It’s been like that for a few days and it was pure torture to her, because she could no longer use school work to distract herself. She laid her head onto the open book in front of her and played around with the quill in her hand. An idea emerged from the back of her mind, where it had been quietly lurking around for a while.
‘Why bother with any of this, when I have the power to end it?’
A laugh escaped her mouth. How had she not thought of it before? It was so simple. Her life was in her own hands. She didn’t need to suffer any more if she didn’t want to. She possessed the power to end it all. Nobody could and would stop her. New life had been breathed into her. Adriana took an empty piece of parchment, dipped her quill into the ink and started writing frantically. Once she was done, she held the letter in front of her and looked at it with something you could call pride. She was reading through the result, when she heard footsteps approaching.
“There you are.”
Her heart missed a beat. She hastily shoved the parchment between the pages of her book and turned around. Lupin. He pulled a chair from under the desk and sat down next to her.
“I’ve been looking for you.”
Adriana found it a lot harder to stay calm and collected with him than with McGonagall or other professors, so she remained quiet. Lupin was used to this and continued speaking, unbothered by her silence.
“I thought we agreed on no more skipping meals, am I wrong?”, he asked with his head tilted.
Adriana shook her head.
“Then why have you disappeared from the Great Hall again?”
Even if she had known how to reply, she wouldn’t have. There was no use in explanations anymore. It was going to be over so soon. She wished for Lupin to leave, so she could gather her things and follow through with the plan she had just made. Adriana couldn’t sit still and desperately looked for an opportunity to end the conversation and escape from him. Lupin sensed this agitation.
“Something’s clearly wrong again, not only since today. What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
Adriana stared right into his eyes. She knew that he could tell she was lying, but she couldn't have cared less. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore. She started gathering her things as though she had all the time in the world.
"I'm not stupid, Adriana. Talk to me."
"I'm okay, thanks."
The girl stood up and walked away. Lupin grabbed her shoulder.
"Hey, what has gotten into you? This is not like you at all. Sit down and tell me what's up. Please.", he begged.
"I'm okay. I'll be going now."
She looked deep into his eyes once more, before turning around and storming out of the library. Lupin ran after her, but the girl was faster than she looked. He lost sight of her when she disappeared around a corner. A piece of parchment had slipped out of a book she was carrying and now slowly sank down onto the stone floor. Lupin picked it up and started reading.