Fairy Whim (Immortal Souls: Book 3)

Panic

Amatus couldn't get air in his lungs fast enough. He paced back and forth in the garden, his whole body shaking. Unwelcome sensations filled his mind. Memories he'd pushed back came flooding in. It had been a century. He thought he was past this, so why was his heart pounding so hard?

"Amatus?"

He jumped at the voice. Backing away from it even as he turned to face the speaker. "Fronia?"

His teacher stepped closer. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He balled his hands into fists as he tried to make them still.

"I've seen panic attacks before," she informed him. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

He swallowed, sure she must hear his heartbeat with how it thundered in his ears.

"I want you to do something," she said. "Breathe in your nose to the count of five, then breathe out through your mouth for the same count."

"Why?"

"Because I'm your teacher and I'm giving you an assignment." Her stern tone allowed no room for argument. "Now, breathe in. One, two, three, four, five."

He did as instructed, following her count as he breathed in through his nose. She counted again and he slowly released the breath.

"Again," she instructed and he obeyed.

Amatus wasn't sure how many times she made him do that but gradually his heartbeat grew quiet. His body stopped shaking and his head no longer spun. Suddenly exhausted, he sat on one of the stone benches. "Thank you."

"I won't ask what happened as I expect you'd just lie," she said. "But you should talk to someone about what happened. You need to take care of yourself."

"I will."

She tilted her head, critically. "I hope that's not a lie."

"Why are you here?" he asked, hoping to change the subject.

"You've been home for nearly a month and we didn't have a lesson for a few months before that," she explained. "I came to see when you planned to continue. It's not good to get out of practice. It will be obvious if you speak to someone in a language you haven't used for a while."

Amatus nearly laughed. Of course, that was her concern. He shouldn't have expected anything else from Fronia. "I'm sorry. Things have been a little hectic. We'll schedule a time to practice soon."

"See that you do."

With that, she walked away, leaving a much calmer Amatus alone in the garden. He continued the breathing exercises for a while and only returned to the palace when he was sure he wouldn't have another panic attack.

He returned to his room to find his friends waiting with his fiancée, all of them looking morose. He closed the door and turned to Damica. "What did I miss?"

Corwin walked over and hugged him without a word. Amatus leaned into the embrace, not realizing how much he needed it until that moment.

"Your secret keeper has your secrets, now," Damica said. "She knows what your mother made you do."

"She didn't make me do anything." He'd always stood by that statement. No matter how much he hated what he'd done, he'd chosen to do it.

"Right." She scowled but didn't argue. "At any rate, she knows your secrets, now."

Amatus pulled away from Corwin to look at Arabella properly. Her gaze was fixed on a wall across from her. She sat stiffly, not saying a word. Her eyes were red, but her face was pale. Amatus knelt in front of the chair, so he was looking up at her. "Are you okay?"