Some decisions aren't sudden. Just like mine.
Again, I glanced over at my result on the school's notice board, where it was telling me I had to repeat the second year of my nursing degree programme because I failed a course.
I had sacrificed many n...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Amina's POV🩶
As I laid out my praying mat and put on my long hijab, I felt a sense of peace come over me, even though there were things I've been holding onto in my heart that I couldn't share with people like my parents or my friends.
During my final prostration, I hesitated a bit longer than usual, allowing the light from the only bulb behind me to flash upon my figure like a spotlight on a stage. These were my moments alone with God, and I intended to make the most of them.
"Ya Allah, it's been a week since our results were pasted. You've seen the condition I've been in. No one at home knows that I have to repeat the second year. I can't bring myself to share the news because my parents will become a laughingstock in the neighbourhood. So I kindly request that you send me the solution. You already know what it is. I don't think I can continue with school. For a girl, it's either school or marriage. I know my parents wanted to educate me, but I've let them down. I can't repeat a class." I muttered the prayer beneath my breath, as I was not alone in the room. It was a hostel, and I shared a room with three other girls, none of whom were in the nursing department like me. My secret felt like a burden on my shoulders—the weight of the fact that I had failed the exam, which my family didn't even know, hung heavy within me. As I prayed for guidance, a sense of dread welled up in me: what if I must repeat it? It will be so embarrassing to share a class with my juniors.
After I completed my prayer for Ish'a, I folded the mat and placed it on the side. We have a rule in our room where one person prepares the meals for the day. Today, I was lucky enough to dodge that duty because one of my roommates volunteered on my behalf, as I wasn't feeling well enough to do it. Ever since I got my results, I've been moody and disinclined to do things that I enjoyed before. It's as if the spark that once ignited within me has slowly died out. In the past, I would cook delicious meals before I went to the library, which I visited at any time of the day when I was free, but now I'm losing interest in everything and everyone.
"Look at what I got from my man today." Basma, my roommate and friend, proudly showed off her new iPhone 15 to my other two roommates and me, and I couldn't help but feel a moment of jealousy wash over me. She was a student of English in her final level, and I've heard her talk about her billionaire boyfriend, who has apparently been in her life since I first arrived at the university. He was known to buy her expensive, trendy stuff like this phone and other luxuries that most people could never afford.
Everyone showered her with admiration and congratulations, but I stayed quiet. I watched them ogle the phone, take it from her hands, and pass it around. I could have joined in the excitement, but to be honest, I wasn't feeling the mood for it. I had been in a foul mood since my exam results came out, and my old and outdated 2012 Nokia phone did little to lift my spirits.
I climbed up to my bunkbed and onto my mattress, lying down without eating dinner. I felt empty and disinterested. I closed my eyes, and as I did, the tears that always came at night started to stream down my face.
