Hey,
I was 19 now.
It was bad wasn't it?
It was the starting of MCO.
I thought my life would be better in the foundation study,
but maybe I was wrong.
I had no idea what I was doing.
I was just following the flow.
Though, I still had you with me.
It made everything feels better.
Chatting with you made me feel better.
I got my first official phone this year.
You weren't the first number I saved.
Because I forgot you gave me your number.
It was a few years ago after all.
I saved your number, though I was reluctant to text you.
It took me few weeks until I finally texted you, letting you saved my number.
Did you know, before this, I had a phone.
But I shared the phone with my siblings.
I didn't want to save your number then, because I changed my numbers often.
A part of me didn't want to bother you, since I didn't consider it as mine.
When I got my first official phone,
we started to text each other there.
No longer on the online site.
I often replied to your status,
to get every chances I can get to chat with you.
Even when you never replied to me with the same vibe anymore,
I craved your attention.
You were my Sun.
Though my actions backfired.
You started to become distant.
This year,
you made me feel like I was special.
Though maybe I was just being delusional.
I had no idea.
I felt like you gave me signals,
but then you took it back.
Your actions confused me.
I didn't know what to do.
I didn't know what to think.
And as time passed,
Your words hurt me more and more.
You were my Sun.
How does it feel when your own hand stabs your heart?
You told me I was a nuisance,
I brought out a bad side of you.
You told me I was a negative source.
I had never felt so broken.
I left you quite a long text on your birthday.
And you called it a will.
Maybe it was, though I really took a few days to come up with it.
I poured my heart in it.
I was really hoping we could somehow, fix everything, anything.
Just so you won't be gone from my life.
I wrote;
Hiii HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎉 you're now 20 y/o. I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you.. I'm sorry for annoying you (and/or) angering you, regardless of whether I knew about it or not. Sorry that I might not been able to meet your expectations. I'm sorry if you ever feel like talking to (or in this case chatting with) me is a burden. I pray so that you will lead a happy and successful life!
Ouh I'm sorry for always asking you questions, like you said making you a calculator/Wikipedia/translator. I'm really sorry about that. I'm the type of person that's always want to know things, and I think that you're the most reliable person that's close to me. So I'm really sorry about that.
