Distance Jaywon

Feelings

Jungwon POV:
I run out of my room in the middle of the night. I aggressively knock on a door. The person opens the door and reveals Sunghoon's sleepy and annoyed face. "Yang Jungwon I swear if you're here so I can kill another bug for you I'm not-" I interrupt him as I quickly say "I think I like Jay." We stand in silence for a minute although it feels like hours. "Holy shit." Sunghoon says as he open the door wider so I can walk inside.

Jay POV:
I wake up from a long night as I groggily walk to my bathroom and splash water on my face. I look at my face in the mirror for a second before I quickly look away because I decide not to ruin my day so early. I have always appreciated fans and members complimenting my look but a part of me always felt like they were lying. I was nothing special. My members were amazing and beautiful. Especially Jungwon. I mean he was just breathtaking. I could look at him doing nothing all day and never get bored. I loved seeing his expressions when someone would say something dumb or when he would eat something he didn't like but would try to keep a straight face. People may say it's a big word but it's the right one. I love Jungwon. He's perfect. I love him in so many ways it hurts. I turn off the water faucet as I spit out my soapy toothpaste. I use a clean towel to dry my face as I let out a deep breath and jump up as I hear "Whatchu thinking about?" I quickly turn around and let out a sigh of relief as I see Sunoo's face. "You really shouldn't be sneaking behind people especially when they're covering their face." Sunoo rolls his eyes as he says "Yah dramaking chill out! Anyway you okay? You looked pretty lost in thought." I walk out of my bathroom as I walk over to my closet full of clothes and look through them as I say "Says you. You're the most dramatic person I know and yeah I'm good." Sunoo leans against my closet door as he observes my moves. "Okay if you say so and for the record you are so wrong! I'm not the most dramatic member." He rolls his eyes and crosses his arms across his chest causing me to laugh. I gently push him back as I close my closet door so I can start changing into my outfit for the day. I walk out of my closet with black jeans and a black shirt that's tucked into the jeans. I run my hands through my hair as I walk to Sunoo and say "So what are we doing today?" Sunoo tilts his head in confusion as I continue saying "The plan. What's the next step?" Sunoo's mouth forms in an O shape showing the he now understood me. "Well I think we're filming an enlog today so let's hang out!" Sunoo says as he jumps up in excitement and grabs my hand practically dragging me out of my room.

Jungwon POV:
I walk into Sunghoon's room and start pacing around spewing out my thoughts. I only stop when I feel strong hands on my shoulders stopping me in place. "Look Jungwon I know you're freaking out because you just now discovered your romantic feelings for your best friend but it's 2 in the morning. Please I beg of you chill out." Sunghoon says as he slowly takes his hands off of my shoulders. I of course don't "chill out" how could I? I mean it's not like I just discovered that I have feelings for my best friend in a not so platonic way. "What do I do? I mean I can't tell him right? No I can't. He probably doesn't even feel the same way. What if he does feel the same way? Would the company allow us to date? I don't even know why I'm considering that because he definitely doesn't like me." I start spewing my thoughts again. I feel bad for Sunghoon. I'm also really thankful for him. Although that thankfulness leaves my body when SLAP. I freeze and blink. Once. Twice. Three times. I lift my hand to my cheek. It stings a bit from the impact. "Shit I'm sorry Jungwon. I did not mean to do that." Sunghoon quickly says as he grabs my chin investigating my cheek. I laugh. A loud one. One that makes my stomach hurt and burns my throat. I think I'm going insane. Then like a rush of emotions. Tears spill from my eyes. They first come out in small droplets then quickly fall like a downpour of rain. I drop to my knees as I cry. I cry and cry and cry. It's almost like there was a thunderstorm happening because you can hear small sounds like gasps of air coming from me as I cry. I then feel a hesitant pair of arms wrap around me. Despite them being nervous they were comforting. I feel my body slightly relax as the tears begin to slow. "What do I do?" I ask Sunghoon filled with desperation.

Jay POV:
Sunoo and I walk out of my room as we meet the other members in the dinning hall. The members were talking to the manager. I skim the familiar faces until my eyes stop at the one. The one that always draws me to them. Like a moth attracts to bright lights. He was my bright light. I admire his face although it appears a bit swollen. Especially his eyes. His normal big brown eyes are now swollen and red. It looked like he had been crying. I wasn't there for him. To help him. Protect him. Is this really what he meant when he asked me for some distance? I hate this.

Jungwon POV:
Sunghoon and I didn't talk much although I felt much better after crying. I walk back to my room and start a cold shower. I undress as I take a step into the shower. The cold water hits me like sharp blades. It somehow comforts me. I begin to wash my body. Scrub away the feelings and tears. Scrub them until my skin burns and turns a bright red. I turn off the water as I slip my clothes back on and slowly walk back to my bed. I stare at the ceiling counting the minutes, seconds, hours. I'm not sure when but I eventually fall asleep. When I wake up my eyes feel like they were glued shut. I open them as much as possible as I walk to the bathroom and sigh as I see the state of my face. I go to the kitchen as I grab a bowl and fill it with water and ice. I take a deep breath before I plunge my face into the ice cold water. After a couple of minutes I check my face in the mirror and am pleased that most of the swelling has gone down. I then get dressed as I put on a white hoodie and baggy pants. I lay back on my bed as I scroll through TikTok again. There was almost no videos of Hay and I. I thought this would make me happy but I feel empty. I feel my blood boil as I see videos with the tag "SunJay" it was Sunoo and Jay. No. No. No. No. No. No. That wasn't supposed to happen. It's Jay and I. Me and Jay. Jaywon. Jungwon and Jay. We're perfect for each other. We finish each other like puzzle pieces. I was so confused. My mind was askew but one thing was for certain. I like no love Jay. I love Jay so much it hurts. I love him so much. So much that I'm terrified to tell him.