Beneath Your Beautiful (A Chenford | The Rookie Fanfic)

Part One Hundred & One: The L Word

Week 7, Day 1: Sunday

The way she sobs on the last word would be utterly comical if it wasn't so clear that she is genuinely upset.

Tim's brow furrows as he tries to follow her line of thinking.

"This is about... the dumplings?" He looks at her quizzically.

She sniffles, "Yes. The ugliest, most beautiful dumplings I've ever seen. And I ruined it!"

Tim snorts with laughter despite his best attempts to hold it back.

"Lucy," he reaches over to wipe her tears, "in your defense, they were really terrible dumplings."

"Don't say that!"

His lips twitch, but he holds back his urge to remind her that she is the one who started the dumpling defamation.

Her fingers close around his as she meets his gaze, "They're amazing. And you're amazing. And I love you, Tim. I love you so much. I am so completely in love with you, too."

His blinks, rendered momentarily speechless by the unexpected declaration.

"What?" She shakes her head as if aggrieved by the absurdity of her own behavior, "No one's ever told you they loved you because you made them dumplings?"

This time he doesn't bother to try and hold back his chuckle, gazing fondly at his adorably chaotic other half. "Well... erm, not exactly, no, but listen, I'm certainly not complaining."

Lucy takes a deep breath to collect herself, before fixing him with one of her looks, "Why didn't you call me?"

"What?" He stifles a yawn, "You mean dinner? Is that what you're so upset about?

"Baby, it's not a big deal that you missed it. I promise. You taking the time you needed was more important."

"Of course it's a big deal! I'm just — I'm so sorry," she buries her face into his chest and he slips his arm back around her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "God," she hiccups as she pulls back to continue the conversation, "I can't believe this. I was trying to be less of a mess so we could talk, and —"

He shakes his head, tipping her chin up so her eyes are focused on his. "I don't need you to be less of a mess, Lucy. I just need you to tell me what's going on in that beautiful, infuriating little head of yours, okay?"

"You're supposed to tell me I'm not a mess, Tim," she grumbles.

He arches an eyebrow as if to say, 'Do you really want me to lie to you?' but instead wisely offers, "I think you're allowed to be a mess after the week you had, Lucy."

***

She sniffles as she nods and wipes at her cheeks. It has been a really intense week. A really intense six weeks, even.

He settles back against the headboard, opening his arms as an invitation for her to join him, and she doesn't waste any time curling up against him. He nuzzles his face against her temple as she takes a deep, calming breath, the familiarity of his scent bringing her that much more comfort.

And again, he is so patient with her — allowing her to stay like that without asking any more questions until she feels ready to talk some more.

All she wants is to get it right for him this time. To be as open and brave as he needs her to be. To be as open and brave as she wants to be.

She shifts so that she is facing him on the bed. Her voice is softer and more serious when she finally speaks again. "I feel like I'm getting this all wrong."

His brow furrows, "Getting what wrong?"

"This," she gestures in the small space between them, "Being with you. I thought I was ready for this — falling in love, getting married, but now that everything is so real... I — I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I don't have any idea what I'm doing..."

"Oh, and I suppose I've gotten everything right?" Tim teases with just an edge of snark in his tone, indicating how he feels about the idea of her getting it all wrong.

"No," Lucy bites back with a roll of her eyes, "but it's different."

"Why? Because you're supposed to be perfect?"

"Yes, obviously," she frowns before grousing, "Stop psychoanalyzing me."

"Not so much fun on the other side, huh?"

She makes a face at him and he laughs out loud, reaching over to squeeze her thigh.

"You know, when we were in Mexico, I thought you were such a dick..." she pauses for dramatic effect, and he nods because, well, yeah.

"...for being so judgmental when I told you I'd never been in love before," she drops her gaze, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with having to give voice to her insecurities. "But... what if you were right?" She blinks rapidly, her emotions again threatening to overwhelm her, "What if I'm not right for you? Maybe you should be with someone who's better at —"

He shakes his head in disbelief, cutting her off midsentence, "Are you kidding me?"

Her hurt at his dismissal must show on her face, because he immediately reaches for her hand and hurries to clarify, "Lucy, no, I'm just saying you had it right when you started. I was a dick, but... maybe you missed the part when I told you the other day on the beach that I did those things because I was terrified of letting you get any closer? Whatever I said then, it was never really about whether you were right for me.

"And maybe you didn't hear me this morning when I told you that I was completely in love with you?" he squeezes her fingers as she begrudgingly nods her understanding.

"You are right for me in every way that matters, Lucy. And I know it took me some time to figure that out even though someone literally told me exactly that, and I told them they were nuts. But I don't have a single doubt about that now, okay?"

She nods again, not quite trusting herself to be able to get words out around the lump in her throat.

"But it's also okay if you're not sure, Lucy. I've given you a lot of reasons to question if I'm right for you, and I don't expect you to not have any doubts, especially after this morning."

She shakes her head, doing her best to swallow back her urge to cry [again]. "I don't care about the stupid bet, Tim." She manages a watery smile, "Maybe you missed the part when I told you five minutes ago I was completely in love with you?"

He grins at the reminder, "Hmmm... not sure. You might have to tell me again. All I remember is someone calling my dumplings ugly."

Lucy bursts into laughter, and it's a welcome reprieve from how damn hard it is to be vulnerable.

"I'm never like this, you know? And it's scaring me. I love being with you — you make me feel so loved and happy and appreciated and so taken care of..."

He smirks, "I do take good care of you."

She smacks his hand away from where it's playfully creeping up her thigh, "Not like that, Tim."

He laughs, catching her hand and drawing her into him for a quick kiss on the cheek, before his smile fades and he returns his attention to what she's trying to say. "You love being with me, but...?"

***

Author's Note: How's everyone feeling? Let me know in the comments.

Separately, I've gotta slow down posting one more time to give myself enough time to get this completed. Plan for updates on Mondays and Thursdays going forward! Thanks for reading ❤️❤️❤️