The Enemy

[13] Selfish

Chapter song// One Republic - Secrets

"Amazing how we got this far,"
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"Not you, Jules. You're staying here with Maggie," Tara said sternly. She's been like this for weeks, making sure I'm fully recovered before I'm allowed to participate in scavenger runs, or in this case a surveillance mission.

"Yes, mom," I replied accompanied with a sarcastic army salute.

"You better watch that tone missy," Tara joked, closing the car door once she retrieved her supplies.

The rest of the group were surveying a potential group we could join, Noah's old camp. I stayed at the cars with Maggie and Judith, while the rest of the group disappeared behind the trees. Judith cooed in my arms, her small fist shoved in her mouth. I should tell Rick that she needs a pacifier. I'll look out for one on my next scavenging run.

The puffy white clouds moved and revealed the shining sun. I squinted against the blinding light, and adjusted Judith's sun hat while trying to squint away the black spots from my vision. While doing this I caught Maggie's eye.

Her eyes were still red and puffy, but she hadn't cried for a while. She just sat on a log and stared into the ashes of a long burnt out fire. Judith fidgeted in my arms, her chubby arms extended towards Maggie. I secured my grip on the little girl, but she didn't keep still, she kept trying to slip from my arms, clawing the air towards Maggie. She could sense the sadness. Babies and dogs were the best at sensing intense emotions. I remember reading that somewhere before the apocalypse, for some reason it stuck. So a piece of pointless information can stick in my mind, but I couldn't even remember the capital of the UK during my geography finals. Funny how the mind works.
I decided to intervene and sat on the log opposite Maggie.

"Erm, my time with Beth was short, but I liked her. She still had fragments of her past life. She said that, that day at the prison, she admired my hair. I was the enemy, she should've been readying up for war, but instead she was complimenting the enemy," I didn't expect a reply from Maggie. I'd be worse than Maggie if I'd lost Tara. I'd have lashed out by now, kicking and screaming at anyone who tried to comfort me, "just thought you should know."
I rose from the log and adjusted my grip on Judith. I took a thick blanket from the boot of the car and spread it out on the concrete road, placing Judith in the middle of the blanket and sat in front of her. I could still feel the little bricks of the tarmac through the thickness of the blanket, but Judith didn't seem to mind, so I didn't either. I placed one of her oldest(and most beloved)toys out in front of her, and watched, mesmerised by the way she found so much entertainment in 3 red plastic cups.
She was having so much fun that she didn't realise when she'd broke one of the cups. She'd hit it off the ground with too much force that split the cup. It wasn't a big slit, just a small one on the side, but it didn't stop Judith's eyes from welling up with tears. I tried to stop them before they came out, I took the remainder of the cups and started to wave them in front of her eyes, trying to catch her attention. But it was no use, she began to bawl her eyes out, her screams seemed to echo around the trees.

"Shh, Judith," I hushed taking her into my arms and rocking her back and forth. I rose from the blanket when she continued to cry and started to gently bounce her in my arms while walking in circles around the car, "come on sweetie, no tears," it was no use. Her screams were drowning my voice out, "I can't believe I'm about to do this," I whispered in disbelief to myself more than anything.
I leaned towards her left ear and began to quietly sing the first song that popped into my head, "Come settle down, settle down. Let loose your glow
come settle down, settle down. Jump into the heat, spinning on our feet. In a technicolour beat, you and me, caught up in a dream, in a technicolour beat," and that was all I remembered of the song. My singing partially worked, her cries got quieter, but it was still loud enough to draw attention we didn't want.
The clockworks in my brain whirled around as I thought long and hard to think of any other song.
"You are my sunshine," I feel stupid, "my only sunshine," I look stupid, "you make me happy, when sky's are grey," the things babies can make you do,"You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away."