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Lost boy has never made me feel insecure yes i'm happy to see him but i'm also angry,
he's fine there's no pain written on his face then why did he leave
Doesn't he know why am here ? I fought to be here even if it took a lot from me and i definitely don't believe i deserve being abandoned like that
My flame dimmed a little when i saw him but not anymore i'm hurt, i'm pained and i'm not forgiveness i'm just someone who has the ability to forgive and i never will grant it foolishly
I'll forgive him if he didn't mean it but i'll leave him like he left me if he wanted to or could have came back, before when i had lost boy i would always let him think for me and jesus i gave him so much power over me not knowing if he was surely not leaving me, not knowing if i could trust him and now i want to be sure
I push myself off his embrace and start hitting him and he lets me but acts like he was expecting it or not i'm not sure i don't know how to read his expression, we changed i guess
my anger pushes away my love and replaces it for this moment of time accompanied by frustration
"Where were you" i speak out in a whisper as i continue hitting him not once leaving a single mark
"I should hate you" i shout into his chest as he starts to wrap his hands around me to stable me and i feel red
i start speaking words i promise to never speak to him
i blamed him that time i was little and i fully remember my promise i know this is wrong i'm breaking it, i'm breaking my promise but i don't care
I say things my younger self would never approve i scream out loud into his face as he just takes it all i can't register why i mentioned my mother never abandoned me with all her hate and how evil he is
i have no idea as i just continued speaking
"You're just an idle orphan who never once had parents yet you shared wisdom about it not even knowing how it felt, you felt like you should have an hold over me but you don't" i say not registering my words
"Why would you even tell me you love me! Family sticks together that was your reason for always being around me yet you were just a phase"
"I was lost that's why i found you, i wish i never met you lost boy"
"Why did you make me love you ?"
"Why weren't you like mum ? Why didn't you send me away like they did ? Why did you run away ?"
"You promised we'll had graduated together didn't you love me enough ?"
"We'll i love you enough that even if you gave me the most stupid reason right now I'd run into your arms"
