Her Pleasure His Pain

I'VE DONE MY PART

SABRYNA GREGGS - LEGACY

Trauma disrupts the harmony of everything we believe. Like, I thought Justin and I were a good couple, happy, healthy and in love, but I was wrong. The risk of surgery was too high for him and though he came through it all better than anticipated, he couldn't seem to forgive me for making a decision that could have further risked his return to the field.

From the moment he awoke, he accused me of not understanding what was important to him as though he wasn't the most important thing in the world to me. In the blink of an eye, I became a fish out of water in my own marriage, unwelcome at my husband's side.

After fighting with Justin every damn day, I finally decided it was best to stay out of the way of the nurses and therapists as they worked with him. At night, I bunked in the room attached to our suite because he made it clear that he didn't want nor need me hovering over him.

"He hates me."

"No, he doesn't." The home health nurse had once assured. "I've been doing this a long time. What your husband is going through is difficult for the average person. For athletes, it's ten times harder. Until he regains his independence, Mr. Legacy is going to be mad at the world, and especially angry at the people closest to him."

But getting through tough times as a team is what a strong marriage is all about, right? I know, for me, for better or worse became more than mere words when I watched Justin fall flat on that field. Yet, there I was, struggling to remain present where I wasn't wanted all while circling the drain of depression.

I found myself depleted of productive energy and a bit of sanity since the day he returned home. Seeking solace, I fell back into the habit of what I have always done best, work. It was nearly midnight when I looked up from the computer. Noticing the house was silent, I leaned forward, catching a glimpse of Justin knocked out in bed.

His nurse gave me a thumbs up to indicate he was out, then started towards the door. Excited about catching up on sleep, I switched off the light in my makeshift bedroom. It seemed I had only just closed my eyes when I woke up in a fog, stumbling into the primary suite to answer Justin's phone.

"Hello?"

The silence that followed pissed me off.

"Hello?"

"I need to talk to JL."

"Who's this?"

The female voice stuttered a few I's, before ending the call. No worries, though. Her little game was about to be short a player. I silenced the phone, sat by the bed, tearing up as I watched my husband grimace with each movement. So much of our lives had been lost in an instant, and looking at him, slumbering in a metal cage, made me wonder what it would take to get it back. His phone vibrated in the palm of my hand. This time I paid attention the screen name, Charles.

"Hello." I whispered aggressively after accepting the call.

There was a long sigh before a response.

"Hey, I need to speak to JL."

"Who is this?"

"Is this his wife?"

"Of course it is."

"I need to talk to him."

"This is not the time for you to be stalking my husband."

"I'm not a stalker. I've always had his number."

I glanced towards Justin. Maybe he needed a new one. Despite the disturbance, he barely stirred as I stepped into the bathroom.