idiocy.

3 - decisions

9/17/2023

today i remembered to write in this thing today. i still feel really bad about yelling at omar, so today im deciding to apologize. but with that, i most likely have to get over my anxiety, which is a painful risk im not willing to take. dont get me wrong, i do wanna get rid of my anxiety disorder, but i just dont want to risk any more anxiety from the stress. i woke up late, and omar and amelia have been waiting for me at my door. "hi guys" i say. "hey" they both say. "look, omar. it was my bad that i took you in the wrong way. ive been feeling horrible since yesterday, so im sorry." "it's fine, dont worry about it" he says. we go to the local mcdonalds. then we each ordered our own seperate foods, ate, and left. we didnt talk at all.

after 2nd period ended, we were at our lockers. suddenly, something hits my back. i turn. "uhhhh hi, yo..." i say. "look, man, i just came back from being suspended, and i know that you showed them that footage." he says. "i swear to god, i am not going to let you go this time." "but i didnt do anything!" i plead. "i dont give ANY shits about whether you say you did or didnt do it, because i KNOW you did!" he yells. "FUCK OFF!" omar yells as he shoves him. "you think you have anything to do with this?" yo asks omar, shoving him. "no...actually, yeah! if what this whole argument is about is what gave my friend grey anxiety, then of course i have something to do with it!" omar yells. "evidently, you got your deserved punishment! why do you have to drag grey along with it?!" "you have no idea..." yo mutters. "stay out of my personal life, idiot." yo walks off, frustrated. "thanks, omar..." i say. "and, uh, sorry for taking you the wrong way..." "its fine, dont worry about it!" he says, playfully.

back at lunch, im sitting alone again. today, however, omar and amelia come to sit with me! nice. "so, about the anxiety..." amelia says. "is it getting any better? have you even tried to get rid of it?" she asks. "well, ive tried to do it...but it never works. i do have medication for it, but let's be honest, that doesnt get RID of it, it just helps it "clear up" temporarily in a sort of way." i say. "i guess i see what you mean" amelia says.

we talk more for a bit, but then the bell rings. we all rush to class. im too bored to write in this thing.

im home. alone. well, not really. i have a brother, although, he thinks hes so much better than him. i frickin hate him. dont get me wrong. hes a good brother. he just messes with me alot. i dont like it when hes in my room, because i know he can and will check my search history, read my messages, and do anything to get me in trouble. i dont know why, he already has way more friends than me. if there is anything they see wrong with me, theyll try to use it to their advantage.

speaking of which, idk y, but i always have this feeling that something is wrong with me. well, yeah, i know, "idiocy", i get it. but i mean something more, yknow? i dont want u to think anything of me, too, though. so, ill leave it at that. good night, journal.