Chasing Summer Sunsets

19

𓆩♡𓆪

Chapter 19: Signs

I walked downstairs and left him there alone.

Bumaba ako ng may mabigat na nararamdaman sa puso ko. I knew that this would happen, hindi ko maamin pero pakiramdam ko mali itong ginagawa namin.

There are so many signs that he gave me, that I thought all of those signs were normal. Hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. Puno ng kaguluhan ang isip ko na hindi ko mawari kung totoo ba itong nararamdaman ko sa kaniya.

Nang makababa ako, mabilis akong naglakad papunta sa gate nang may makabungguan ako. Hindi ko iyon pinansin at patuloy na lumabas.

It keeps bothering me that I went home alone. Hindi ako makatulog dahil sa nangyari. We kissed so many times, he gave me hints and signs and yet I didn't even know if those were true. Naging manhid ako na ngayon ko lang napagtanto na ibang-iba ang pakikitungo niya sa akin noong una pa lang.

Alam ko sa sarili ko na babae talaga ang gusto ko simula noon pa lang. I even kissed so many girls way back then, but him...

His kisses are so different. His actions are different. May mga bagay na dati kong ginagawa sa mga naging past ko pero ngayon ako na ang nakakaexperience.

He's annoying but he's sweet.

He's always making me feel so special in his way that no one else could ever do it to me like he always does.

How he cared for me, how he got so worried, how he was so clingy when he was with me. Ito na siguro yung tinutukoy ni Primo na ako lang ang makakapagparealize ng mga bagay na 'yon.

He likes me? He fucking likes me?! Kahit hindi niya sabihin, pinaparamdam niya through actions.

Sa sobrang tanga ko hindi ko napagtanto 'yon. Like, may magkaibigan bang naghahalikan?

Then the scenario earlier flashed in my mind again. That kiss was somehow romantic and sweet. Nadala ako sa mga halik niya kaya hinalikan ko rin siya pabalik. Nang mapagtanto kong mali iyon pinigilan ko siya. Baka mapunta pa sa kung ano kung ipagpapatuloy pa namin iyon.

But the thought that I liked it in some parts, I know that there's something wrong with me. I was so unbothered that I didn't realize that it would happen to me.

And I think I can't... accept it for now.

Hindi ko pa kaya. Natatakot ako na baka maulit muli ang nangyari noon. That once I finally fell in love again, my trust would be broken. Once I dared to be in love and once I fell for him, I was afraid that he wouldn't catch me.

Natatakot ako na mabawi iyon, na baka sa huli ako muli ang sugatan. Ayokong bumalik muli ako sa dati na mag-isa.

Kaya ngayon pa lang kailangan ko nang itigil 'tong nararamdaman ko sa kaniya.

The following days, I decided to entertain myself in this house. I barely opened my phone because of him. Nakikita ko na lang ang chat ng barkada dahil nagpo-pop-up naman 'yon sa screen ng phone ko. There were so many messages that I had received from Max after that night.

Maxwell Kenjiro Devilla:

Tuesday
1:45 AM

Are you mad?

5:55 AM

Did I do something wrong?

11:00 AM

I'm sorry☹️

Answer me please, Yael.