Catastrophe

Chapter Six

Raven

It was roughly eight in the morning when a rapid pounding sounded at the McCormick's front door. Kyley and I were stretched out on the living room floor, having fallen asleep watching Invader Zim after Kenny and the others went to bed. I had been startled awake and was slowly making my way to the door when a loud crash sounded near the back of the house. A moment later came Kenny's worried voice as he asked Butters if he was okay. It wasn't hard to figure out the urgent knocking had scared the small blonde awake and in a rush to prevent anyone else being woken up, he had forgotten he was missing a large piece of his body. He most likely fell, waking Kenny in the process. I laughed before finally opening the door to a pale white and sweaty Eric. I could feel my eyebrow rise almost involuntarily. "Dude, you okay?"

"NOPE," Eric screeched and spun around, vomiting all over the sidewalk. "Sorry, nerves."

"Rav," Kyley's voice came from the living room, "What's going on? Everything okay?"

"Uh," I blinked slowly before turning to face my fiancée, "I don't think so. Do you happen to know how to calm down a very freaked out Cartman?"

"The fuck you talking bout," The red head grunted before dragging his ass to the door. He took one look at the man outside as Eric threw up a second time. "Nope, not doing it, get nature boy and his ray of fucking sunshine to help you. I'm going back to bed."

"NO!" Eric suddenly screamed before diving through the gap in the doorway to tackle a rather irritated Jew to the ground. "YOU CAN'T!"

"THE HELL DO YA THINK YER DOING?! GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" Kyley growled.

"NO, NO, NO!" Eric screamed again, "PLEASE! I NEED YOU!"

"ERIC CARTMAN!" Butters' chipper voice had faded into one of annoyance, a rare thing for him. He moved quickly, slipping a crutch between the two weird men on the ground. "GET OFF KYLEY, CALM THE HECK DOWN, AND USE YOUR WORDS!"

"BEST MAN!" Eric yelped before grabbing Kyley by the shirt and shaking him. "BEST FUCKING MAN, THREE HOURS, COURTHOUSE, HELP!"

"I mean, that was sort of using your words, but that wasn't exactly helpful." The blonde sighed, wedging himself further between the two as Kyley's control began to slip.

"Fucking conformist bitch, where the hell did he go now?" A familiar voice spoke from outside the still open door. I turned to find an angry looking Firkle walking down the sidewalk. "He's getting married in three hours and he bolts screaming something about forgetting to do something. Mom's gonna be pissed if he leaves her at the altar, Stupid fuck."

"Oh," I blinked again before reaching out and snagging the kid by his jacket. I yanked him into the house and used him as a support system for my now shaky body. "Babe, I think he means he wants you to be his best man. Apparently, he's getting married in three hours."

"Me? He fucking hates me." Kyley shook his head.

"PLEASE!" Eric screamed again. By now Ike, Karen, Kenny, and Carol had joined us in the living room, watching silently as Eric shook Kyley, begging him to be the best man at his wedding.

"Kyley, he doesn't hate you, he actually thinks of you as his best friend. He's been trying to find you for two hours now," Firkle sighed. "Oh, and Butters, even though you're a guy and all, Wendy wanted to ask you to be her 'man of honor' since you can't be a maid of honor due to having a dick."

"Uh, sure, what do I wear?" The small blonde ran a hand through his bed head.

"Teal, like usual." Firkle turned to Kyley. "You'll need to be in all black. There's a teal rose pin thing you'll have to put on once you get to the court house. The rest of you have been invited to join the wedding party at the courthouse before heading to ours for a party. Now get dressed. Mom's not going to be happy if we're late."