ce·les·tial/səˈlesCH(ə)l,səˈlesˌtēəl/
belonging or relating to heaven
in life, nothing is ever perfect, and there's always room to improve, my job is to help you grow as a writer
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Cover - 3/5
I like the image that was used as the background on this cover, but it seems a bit dark, and a little blurry as well. I can't tell if it's been filtered or if it was just a low quality image to start out with. I do really enjoy the font choice for the title, but I almost think it's too high up. The top of the 'S' is touching the top of the image. I also think you should consider changing the location, and the font for your name. Right now it's off put to the side, and it's almost like you're belittling yourself. The font is boring and it's small. As an author, you should be able to celebrate your work, so move it to the middle under the title or the bottom middle for peak access.
Title & Blurb - 8/10
The title of this story is unique, and it seems to portray the story idea well.
As far as the blurb goes, it's not bad, it's just not enough. It's entirely grammatically correct though, so I commend you on that. I just feel like I'm missing the logline, or the action that's going to be in the story. It seems a bit bland as is, not exactly enticing.
First Statement/Hook - 3/5
The first sentence you have in your prologue is this, "In a small town plagued by tragedy, Zach found himself grappling with the unbearable loss of his beloved brother, Colby."
Let's dive in shall we. First off, I want to bring attention to the fact that the blurb only sets us (the audience) up to know Olivia. We immediately jump into the story in the third point of view, yet again the blurb/title suggests the first pov with the title "surviving my twelve brothers, so I'm struggling to see the relevance.
On a positive note, this sentence is grammatically correct, and it carries some action as well, such as the death of a brother. A seemingly innocent town stuck in the wrong place, I just fail to see the reason why this was picked as the first sentence.
Grammar & Punctuation - 9/10
I heavily warn against using abbreviations in your writing. Especially when it's the first time something is being introduced.
For example: "The effects of the drugs began to intertwine with the symptoms of PCP..." I have absolutely no clue what PCP is, and it's not explained later on. Remember, these are your characters, and you want to share the vision with the audience. Let them in fully, let them see your bigger picture.
- In the section of narration right before the listed items, you have an unnecessary sentence that seems to add a sense of unprofessionalism to the writing.
- "Here are a few possible reasons.." This sentence is never needed, the sentence before this works fine by itself "a combination of factors", by adding "here are a few possible reasons," you're not only being reductant but taking away from the mature feeling of the subject and the story.
First Chapter -7 /10
The flow is confusing for me, I know there's an image to separate the movement of items, but if you're going to use an image that big, I question why you haven't customized it. Also when you transition into another scene, don't be afraid to use a transitory phrase, "After" "Following"
For a story that is seemingly about Olivia, I feel like this entire Prologue is not her story. If you wish for the story to focus on other characters' than Olivia, I think the Blurb needs to be edited.
Also I feel the usage of "Zach" is overused, and some of the vivid descriptions are overlapping. I noticed the word "plagued" at least twice within three paragraphs. I think substituting "he" for Zach in some places would greatly help with the flow of the story.
I am also confused about the usage of Italics, why is the entire thing in them? Is this a flashback or..?
Aesthetics - 2/5
I only judge aesthetics when they're included in the list of chapters, and you have one. Although, I'm not sure you can consider them aesthetics. Instead of making a list of what each character is involved in, or the fact they're a twin, you can easily do this by creating a mood board. I think this chapter itself would do better as 'character introductions' instead of aesthetics.
Overall - 32/45
I have reviewed your work in the past in my previous review shops, and I just want to say, I'm very happy for the progress you've made as a writer, and I know you will continue to do great things. For right now, I recommend you take a look at either the blurb or the prologue of this story and decide which one needs to change, because one of them needs too, they aren't agreeing on what the story is about. The blurb is about Olivia's life, while the prologue is about Zach's drug addictions. Thank you for asking me to review this lovely story! <3
