ce·les·tial/səˈlesCH(ə)l,səˈlesˌtēəl/
belonging or relating to heaven
in life, nothing is ever perfect, and there's always room to improve, my job is to help you grow as a writer
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Cover - 4.5/5
I absolutely adore this cover, I think it portrays what's happening in the story to a high degree. You have both Hermione and Draco on the cover, and I love the way they're faded in compression to Hogwarts. The only possible thing you could do to improve is possibly add the word 'Fanfiction' after 'A Dramione' on the top of the cover.
Title - 5/5
Yet again, this is a great title, it's unique, and captures the idea of the story, it's grammatically correct, and hooking in its own manner. I don't have anything to offer here.
Blurb + Logline - 14.5/15
The logline is chef's kiss, it's perfect, both characters introduced, what's going on, and the plot is introduced gently.
I did notice an excessive comma in the second sentence of the first paragraph, since "Arch-enemies and polar opposites" are part of the introductory phrase, ..."with proximity imposed upon them," you don't need the comma after opposites, it's already covered by the one after "them".
That's the only thing I notice within the blurb to correct/offer feedback on. On a positive note, I think this blurb is very well done. It's hooking, and it draws the reader in, especially the last few sentences, well done!
Hook/First Statement - 2/5
The first sentence your reader will get the chance to read is in your prologue, and if I'm being utterly honest, it was quite disappointing after reading the level your blurb was written too. Your blurb was absolutely stunning, and it hooked me in. The very first sentence lacks energy and excitement. It's sort of cliche in a way, stories that always start with a character waking up. Yes, we know the character is waking up. To elevate this scene you could start with a thought running through her head, or maybe her accessing the damage of the Great Hall.
Character Creativity - 17.5/20
Ugh, the characterization is beautiful in this prologue. I love seeing this side of Harry that isn't explored in canon, this broken boy who's taking everything on after what has happened to him. I've commented on this before while reading but the personification of the lake in that first scene is absolutely beautiful, and it's heart-wrenching how Harry still strives to want to be more.
Let's talk about Chapter 1, we throw in the Weasley clan here, and you give us many characters. Ginny, gosh, I love your Ginny, she's so energetic, she's a spitfire, and of course sassy. Charlie is a good older brother, and Molly is definitive in herself. I do feel that some of the other Weasley members are simply 'here' in this scene, they aren't adding to anything really, but in the room. I feel like this is the case for Percy especially, I'd love to see more done with him.
Holy, Chapter 2 hit me like a bus, Draco's characterization has me banging my fist on the floor sobbing. The line where he mentions only living for his mother is all it takes for me. The interactions with his father. All of this is beautifully crafted, it is my favorite chapter thus far. I'm not sure that Draco would recover as fast as he did when Lucius used the Crucio spell. I think people forget the effect it has on individuals sometimes, even if Draco is used to it, it's still an unforgivable curse.
A note on Draco, if he hates his father so much and everything he stands for, why is he still being such a prick towards everyone else, specifically the golden trio in chapter 4. If he regrets being involved with the Death Eaters, why act the same way he did?
Plot - 12.5/15
Looking at it initially, I cannot say this plot is entirely unique, a lot of fanfictions explores the 8th year/repeat of the 7th year idea, but on the contrary, you're exploring different aspects. Hermione staying at the Burrow is just a prime example.
With the ending of Chapter 4, and Draco being disowned. I feel the whole owl thing is oddly coincidental. Like, what were the odds he would see an owl from his mother immediately after receiving news of getting disowned? Especially if he was disowned the prior night. It just seems odd to me.
Grammar & Punctuation - 18/20
One thing I'm noticing with grammar is just a lack of commas sometimes. It's mostly after introductory clauses or words.
I also noticed a beast of a sentence in the start of chapter one.
It starts with "She freshened up at top speed.." This is way too much for a single sentence. You could split it after "plain muggle clothes." You could reword the next part "At the same time.." or "All the while." It's just too much in one sentence as it is since all the thoughts are grouped in with it.
There's some run-on sentences in dialogue in the second chapter, one for sure which I can note is the one where Narcissa is speaking to Lucius. It's the one where she talks about reading the letter as well, it's a comma splice.
Also don't forget to capitalize 't' in 'The Leaky Cauldron', 'the' is part of the title.
Details - 13.5/15
I've got to give you credit where it's due girl! You really know how to paint a scene. Even in your dialogue tags you allow the reader insight into the character. The facial expressions, the body language, it's all there.
I also enjoy how we get to enjoy more than just Hermione's half of the story. I love the focus on small things as you tell the story.
The only thing I can see you improving on is how you describe a character from the outside. When mentioning Draco you refer to him as a platinum blond on more than one occasion, but he's the only character I noticed you did this with. Expand this to everyone else as well.
Overall - 82.5/100
Remember, liking a story is subject to opinion, as is the rest of this review. I want to tell you I enjoyed this story, and it's received the highest score of anything so far. It's a really good start, of course, nothing is perfect on the first draft, that's what reviews are for after all. A way to help you see your story from an unbiased setting, and receive some solid feedback. I hope the things I have offered provide some sort of answer to any questions you wonder about your writing. Thank you for requesting!
