it's not that i want to leave this world behind. i love what i am doing and who i get to do it with.
it's not that i want to make people feel bad for me. i just need to know that they care, because i don't think i care for myself.
it's not that.
it's not that i want to make my life hard. i just want freedom, but i wish i had a safety net. i have one, but there's too many restrictions on it that would mean letting others down.
it's not that i don't want to do it. it's that my brain won't physically let me.
