31. Lies

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I sit by the balcony with a bottle of alcohol while staring at the empty cherry blossoms tree

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I sit by the balcony with a bottle of alcohol while staring at the empty cherry blossoms tree. A bird or two rest on the branches while the tree simply sways against the wind.

I feel someone's presence next to me, and I know right away that it's Papa Tine because there's this warmth that always surrounds him. So I lean to his side, and he instantly hugs me back.

"Not a word since you returned. Do you have a plan after postponing the final decision?" he asks with a kiss on my hair.

"He said he doesn't love me," I whisper.

"Who? Kimhan??"

"Yeah."

Papa Tine chuckles at my words, "Did you imagine it or something? Because we all know you have an overactive imagination."

"No... He told me. Right in front of me... that after staying in the dungeon, he realised he doesn't love me. He called it infatuation. What is infatuation?" my voice becomes inaudible in the end.

"Infatuation is when you fall for someone intensely, but for a short period of time."

"Oh."

"What do you think? Was your love infatuation?"

"No, I love him still. I want him alive, too." I mumble.

"Alright then. What about his love for you?"

"He said he doesn't love me."

"Oh, well... do you believe his words?"

"I don't know. I am numb since the day he went..." I close my eyes and rest my face against Papa Tine's chest so I feel calm after hearing his heartbeat.

"I have sleepless nights sometimes, you know that, right?" Papa Tine asks, continuing, "Some days, I gaze at the moon for hours just so I will get sleepy. But ever since Kimhan moved in, the sight of him wandering around the manor would disturb my staring contest with the moon. He would stop by your window and stay outside for a while. He would walk and look around. He would ask your soldiers to have some rest so he can keep an eye on the surroundings."

I open my eyes and stare at the bottle of alcohol in front of me.

"When you left him to take care of me, he asked me to teach him the letters in your name so he can write it down. He practised it attentively but refused to learn other letters because he wanted to write your name first. Before the last war with the Enigma, I saw him having a serious conversation with your group. Only later did I learn that he had arranged everything, which is why you are alive today."

My eyes tear up a little as he says that.

"And I have a secret Namcha................."

I slam the glass bottle against the floor before holding my head in pain.

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