Ms. Calloway (Book 2 in the For Better Or Worse Trilogy)

Chapter 23

No one hears a whisper from Roman for the rest of the day. He vanished in thin air. Thankfully, this doesn't affect anyone's day. Well, mostly anyone. Hills of vibrant gelato. Clear rivers, sparkling beneath the beaming sun. Photos in front of the Trevi Fountain. All of the most cliche things you can do as a tourist in Italy. A never ending stream of places to see or things to do, but simply not enough hours in the day to complete them all. Everyone laughed, took pictures, and ate. A day of lifetime experiences shared between friends. But, I couldn't help the way my brain kept taking me back to Roman. Where was he? Who was he with? Was he enjoying himself? A question that I'm not comfortable acknowledging aloud; Was he having a good time without me? These wild emotions eat me from the inside, gnawing at them and my pathetic inability to confidently identify them.

There are a couple times when I catch myself zoning out, wandering to other places. It's not until Elena nudges me in the elbow that I return to this time and place. I look around to find that the others have already retreated, continuing their walk elsewhere, leaving Elena and I on our own. We stand on a large, marble bridge, leaning on the marble balustrades to watch the aquamarine canal below.

"It's hard loving a Berkshire, isn't it?"

I turn to her with a shocked expression, but her eyes never leave the water where a gondola was passing through. "I'm sorry?"

"Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. But I have to say that everyone knows. You guys make it very obvious."

"I-"

"There's no judgment here, obviously. Skylar and Scarlette have a bet going on. Skylar thinks Roman will make the first move. Scarlette is convinced you'll be the first to make a move. Don't ask me who I'm betting on. You two are the most confusing people I've ever met."

"But-"

"Hey, I get it. The mystery, the power, danger. It's all so....sexy and intriguing at first. But then, suddenly you become collateral. You're in too deep when you finally realize that you're in the fly trap and there is no way out. I'm not saying I would change anything with Scarlette. She's everything and more than I could've imagined. But there are reasons why our relationship is different from anyone else's in the family. Not only would Mr. Berkshire disown, but by being her 'maid', or whatever you wanna call me, I seem unimportant. Sometimes it even feels real. But I know it's necessary. Scarlette is trying to protect me from being collateral." She leaves the blue of the water to meet my eyes. "I know that isn't the same for you and Roman. What happened to you was a complete mess. I have worked at the Berkshire home for a couple years now, and never once have I seen Roman break his cool. He was manic. Wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't...live until they found you." She turned around, leaning her back on the marble balustrades, embracing the sun. "This is a lot, I know. I've never had anyone to talk to about stuff like this. And now you are tangled into this family as much as I am and there are things you need to know. There is not another love like a Berkshires, but there is nothing more dangerous than a Berkshires love."

I was so lost for words that I couldn't find a way to respond.

"Roman loves you. I can tell you that. You love him. Admitting it or not will not change that fact. You can fight it all you want, but the truth is still there." She stares at me intensely, burning all of this in my head. "You can either hate your life from your job, your family, your clothes, to this scary relationship that you wanted, but hate yourself for wanting it. Or, you can accept things for what they are, make lemonade out of lemons, and allow yourself to feel those emotions, without worrying about the judgment of others." She pushes herself off the marble, holding out her hand to me. "You're not alone. You have me."

"I- Uh..." Every word of hers resonated with me. Some I knew. Some I didn't. But still, I could not find the right words to return. Instead, I gave her the one feeling I did know I had at that moment, "Thank you". Short. Seemingly simple. Yet, full of gratitude and layers of words unsaid. It doesn't take us too long to reach the group for lunch. For the first in a long time, a sense of comfort falls over me like a big blanket. Maybe things weren't going to be as bad as I thought it was. I didn't have to be alone. Not anymore. Maybe, without all these bumps in the road, Roman and I could come to terms with whatever he and I were. 

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